When good things happen to other people

Its that time of the... life... again. Guess its bound to happen more often especially at this age. Mid-twenties is like when everything major in life happens. You or someone you know (of the same age) graduates from university; they get engaged; get married  or have a kid or two. Its like all these wonderful milestones happening one by one. I'm seriously happy for anyone who manages to achieve these things. But at the same time, I'm reminded of the things that has yet to happen to me.

I'm not saying no good thing has happened to me... in fact, there are tons. But that one thing that you'd think everyone gets to eventually have... that still hasn't happened to me. So here I am, waiting for that one thing that everyone else I know had in high school (elementary even for others). Now those same people are like 2-3 milestones ahead of me. I feel so left behind. I feel like nothing has changed. There's nothing new to share whenever I see an old friend and they say "hey, what's up?".

Anyway, sorry for being gloomy. Just had to get this out of my system. Must go back to studying now. Exam week then finally some chillax week after. Can't believe semester 1 is over.

Opt-shuns

Its still months away, 5 months to be exact, but I'm really worried about it. What should I do?

I'll be graduating at that time and I know I won't be getting the career I want right away. I still have my licensing exams to do after all. But that's all right, it works out because that gives me enough time to save up money since I've been working less hours due to school. My goal is to earn as much as I can with my current job but also work at a pharmacy to keep my skills sharp. In order to do this, I'll have to move back to my old department since they work overnights. Then I can work day shifts at the pharmacy. However, I heard that they are dissolving the old department after the holidays which is pretty much when I'm planning to start.

So my troubles are I'll have to be working 2 day shift jobs instead. I find this to be more exhausting and its harder to please each job schedule-wise. The fact that my current day job doesn't have guaranteed hours is also a problem. I'd like to have one job with guaranteed hours and the only way to get guaranteed hours (in my current company) is to be a full time team lead. Which isn't so bad, that's 40 hours a week of higher pay! I wouldn't mind volunteering at a pharmacy instead to keep my skills in practice. At least with volunteering, I can go do it when I want... yay for lazy days. Now the problem with this whole plan is that how am I supposed to get promoted when obviously the company is going through budget cuts if they're willing to dissolve a team.

Ughh!! I know.

You're probably asking why I bother staying at this company. Its really because I don't have long term plans for these jobs so why start over with a brand new company when I'm leaving in less than a year. At least within my current company, I already have a great reputation. I have a better chance of getting what I want with them than having to start over at a brand new company. Of course this is all assuming I pass my licensing exams next year. After which I'm really hoping I get my career started already. Otherwise I may have to stay longer at my current company.

I have to admit though. The thought of being promoted and getting back at a certain co-worker does sound amusing. I wouldn't be mean to her of course but I can at least rub it in her face especially after hearing that:

1.) she voiced her opinion about being a team lead but still hasn't gotten it yet

2.) the friends that she turned on me has now finally seen her true colors and have turned on her

Friendzoning is an ethical dilemma

So this sorta came outta nowhere. Although I guess there were signs and I was just brushing them off coz I really thought I was just overthinking again. I think a co-worker of mine is trying to ask me out. For tradition's sake, we'll give him a codename and it shall be for YC which means younger co-worker.

How much younger you ask? 5 years.

I know its not that big of a gap and people are gonna preach that age is just a number. So let me defend myself by saying that he is far too mature for his age and he doesn't look or act that young. He takes care of his dad, he pays for everything and works for everything, he knows what's it like to be homeless... basically he's gone through a lot and has made it through a lot. In short, I've got a lot of respect for this guy.

But that's it. That's all I got. I don't think I'm attracted to him but at the same time I don't think I'd turn him down if he asked either. He's got lots of good qualities for sure. So my dilemma is if I did go out with him, am I just wasting his time if I don't find myself attracted to him. KC brings up a good point that that's what dates are for... to find out if you really like each other. There's no commitments for a second date or being in relationship. But its not the commitment part that throws me off, its the idea that I'm gonna ruin a perfectly good friendship between co-workers if it didn't work out between us.

Before I get carried away, you maybe asking why I think he likes me. So here are possible signs that never really meant anything until I put the pieces together.

1.) We were talking about movies and he brought up watching Spiderman together. That's like the first sign I could really think of but during that time I thought he just wanted to hangout as a group with the rest of the co-workers so I said if it works with everyone else's schedule why not. He didn't really bother trying to set the movie outing then.

2.) Before going to Hawaii, he asked if I wanted any souvenir. I just casually brought up that I collect seashells. He said he'd bring some for me. And he did but when he came back I was already in the new department and our schedules don't match so he still hasn't been able to give it to me.

3.) One time I got off work and he was about to start, he reminded me again of the seashells. Then he just asked for my phone number. This was probably the real opener for me. Coz he could've just messaged me on Facebook.

4.) Very next day he messages me how my day was and what I was up to. I've never had a guy initiate a conversation that soon. Not saying that everyone should follow that 3 day waiting period policy coz that's bull. But I had to admit, it made me happy having a conversation with someone new.

There's probably other signs before too but I just missed it I guess. So now, I'm not sure what to do. I've decided to just communicate with him like I do with my other friends. I don't want him to misinterpret what I do... the same way I misinterpret what CD did. Speaking of, I find it funny how this whole situation is making me realize that CD maybe really doesn't like me that way. It's like how I feel for YC is how CD probably feels for me. A good friend you don't want to lose but you're also not attracted to.