Psychology of Dreams

Dreams can really be interesting. I'm taking about the ones you get from sleeping. I actually took a psychology course about sleep thinking it'd be about interpreting dreams and such but it focused on the affects of the circadian rhythm rather than dreams... so yes, I wasn't particularly keen about that one. Anyway, what I really was hoping to study was how dreams illicit physiological response.

In my case, my heart pounds like crazy when I dream of a guy who in the dream world I believe is my true love. So much so that the pounding wakes me up before any romantic stuff happens. That's probably my body waking me up to prevent myself from having a heart attack. When I was younger, I'd also wake up when I cried too much in my dreams (not because they were nightmares but because they're just sad dreams). I woke up with real tears too. Ohhh and the really interesting one is when I wake up and kick because I just had a dream where I jumped or fell or something like that. Apparently that one is not too uncommon because my friends experience it too.

The reason why I'm posting this is because last night, I think I felt my first broken heart due to a dream. Well, its confusing coz the dream should be happy by all means but my heart sure felt different. Lots of random things happened in the dream that don't connect but the part that I'm talking about was something like this. It was snowing like crazy outside and for some reason I'm on my summer PJs and open-toed slippers. I was looking for the guy who I love but I've yet to confess to. (By the way, I swear he was Asian at first then somehow became Caucasian on the latter part of the dream; not any guy I know in real life too). Other people began leaving their homes/office/school and were coming outside and they all were appropriately dressed for this blizzard. They all looked at me like I'm crazy. I finally gave up looking for him and decided to go to Starbucks for a hot drink. As I turned around, someone threw a navy green winter coat over my head and shoulder to shield me from the snow. My heart kinda started pounding around this part because I knew that it was him, the guy I love. He held my hand and we went to Starbucks together. When we got there, he let go of my hand so he can order our drinks. I was still kinda in la-la land about how he took his jacket off and gave it to me. Then I noticed how the pretty barista was very chatty with him. I didn't think he was flirting back with her but for some reason I didn't like what I felt so I ran. I guess it must've been to our home or some area with a special meaning because it wasn't familiar to me in real life. There was a bonfire in the middle of the room and I was kneeling down and warming my hands. He came in looking frazzled then quickly knelt beside me. He held my hands in his again and this time was blowing on it, as if to keep it warm. I can see that he looked hurt coz I left him. He told me that he was sorry and that he loves me. And that's when I woke up.

My heart was pounding so much but somehow I knew it wasn't coz of happiness. Its like I woke up sad because this guy said he love me. He wasn't even real. And if he was, the whole flirty barista thing wouldn't phase me that easily. So I guess I got curious why my heart reacted the way it did.

I'm also curious why certain details stood out for me. Like the navy green winter coat. I can still picture it as if I'm still in the dream world. I also remember the combination to a locker, which was a whole other scene before lover boy showed up. Yet the most important details... like say his face or name was totally gone by the time I woke up.

3-1-4

So remember that post I made about dreams? In particular about the numbers 3-1-4 which I had woken up to by yelling it out. I thought there must be a meaning and had anticipated the whole March of 2014 or March 14th itself to be a special day. Well, nothing particular happened that day... nor that month of that year I guess except for the fact that its pi day.

Well, today's the best pi day as of yet. A last minute breakfast date with my co-workers which I haven't done for a long time... and the last time I did, it wasn't all that fun because it felt like people were obligated to be there rather than just wanting to be there. Now its like with new people and of the oddest combination too. I wouldn't have expected this group to just mesh together and have that much of a good laugh. Plus bonus, someone invited CD and without my prompting too!

So I gave the new co-worker who I think also likes CD a ride to IHOP. Ermm... she's gonna need a code name; let's say MM for mini me coz like I said before she kinda does remind me of me. As we were parking at IHOP, she kept staring at this white car (sounds familiar right?). I noticed the car too but I told myself not to look because there's no way that's CD. I knew there was a person in the car but I didn't want to make eye contact because I am trying to get over him, so me checking if the driver was CD is like admitting failure to such attempt. As we got into the IHOP, MM said "I knew it was you".

Damn. Totally wasn't expecting him. I smiled and stupidly the first words that came outta my mouth "The hell? You're here?". So now as I am typing this, I realized I may have made it sound like I didn't want him there.

Well, anyway, it turned out all for the best. We had a great laugh about everything. Even talked about farts. Didn't realize 2 hours had gone by just like that. We finally had to go home and as we all lined up at the cash register, I couldn't help but notice that CD was standing really close to me. It made me wish that he missed me somehow and that this was his way of showing it.

Then of course all these "over-thinking" happened again but the most intriguing one was: Why was he waiting in his car when there were people from our group already in IHOP? Was he waiting for me?

So that's my pi day story. Who knows how next year will turn out?

Shitnizzz

It has began.

Shit.

Pardon the language.

But SHITTTT!!

I had a dream of the cuter guy whom I swear I see as a younger brother... which now I will call LB (for little brother). OMG! Knowing me, that's how I realize I have a crush on someone... if I dreamed about them.

And get this. A total of 3 dreams since my last post. Well the 3rd dream was iffy coz I referred to the guy as a big brother though I really feel it was LB.

NOOOOOOOOO!!

I can't... this guy.. no, this kid... he's too good to get caught up in my dramas.

HOW DO I UNDO THIS SHITNIZZZ BUSINESS?

I'm my own therapist

Probably not recommended to anyone.. ever. But I kind like how this played out for me.

So I've been having some real good days lately but amid all that, I've also been having some saddening thoughts. Some of these thoughts I'm not even really sure what they are exactly or why I'm having them in the first place. I guess they're thoughts that come from problems that have stemmed from older problems and so on.

Well, last night I had a dream. I don't remember the whole contents of it but I remember feeling really great afterwards. In the dream, I was sorta hiding in a closet and crying. I was very frustrated but I'm not sure why. Then suddenly CD appears and sat down beside me. He was patting my back as I cried. I just kept crying and I swear at this point its because of how I'm still not sure of how I feel for him. Then he asked me what's wrong. But suddenly I started blurting out things that totally wasn't about him. Like how I don't feel accomplished despite the all the things I've done. It went on and on and I basically am just saying to him that I feel that I'm not good enough for anything. He listened to all my venting and then wiped my tears with his bare hands and said that I am more than good enough. At that point, I think my heart started pounding too much that I actually woke up. I actually did have a bit of tears in my eyes too. But I got that sensation of immense relief, like I really did just pour out all of my soul and let go of everything.

I don't know in real life if I could ever tell him all that or to anyone else for that matter. I didn't even think I had those kinds of thoughts. Denial on my side perhaps? But I do know what he said in the dream is scripted as how I wanted to hear it. However, I can't deny how real it felt. Talking it out, having someone wipe your tears and then telling you that you are more than good enough.

I'm such a hopeless romantic.

Dreaming about the future

Dreams can really be confusing. The kind you get from sleep; though dreams like hope can be confusing-ish too. They can be happy or sad. Comforting or frightening. Some feels like it goes on forever while others are cut too short. But the most confusing ones are the ones that feel like it might be predicting something about the future. In my case, they're not necessarily recurring but rather those that inexplicably come up and feel like they hold some important value.

My favorite one was when I dreamt of my nephew. I only had one niece at the time and no nephew. But anyway, in the dream, we were in a brand new house (I think it was my sister's). As I enter the house, I rush straight to the kitchen window where there's a nice view of the back porch and yard. 2 girls (presumably my nieces) around the ages of 5 and 7 years old were sitting on the hanging bench with their backs on the window. I open the window and jokingly teased the girls because they didn't say hi to their "favorite" auntie. Then the girls turned around and beamed up smiling then started yelling hi. A few minutes later the front door opens and its my sister and her husband carrying a newborn baby boy. We all settle in the kitchen and start crowding around the baby.

I had this dream while I was living by myself in another country. Needless to say, I was homesick. But it's always been my favorite because it reminds me how lucky I am to have a family that's growing healthily and happily. I also really like it because in the dream, there actually was someone else with me as I entered that house. I couldn't remember the face or the name (if it ever came up) but it felt like the guy is my boyfriend who's made my family like his own.

Ever since then, I told myself by the time I get a nephew (or become a 3rd time aunt) I should be getting a boyfriend. Now I am gonna be a 3rd time aunt and it is gonna be a nephew. Just a few more days till the proud moment!! Of course not everything in the dream became true. For instance, I now do have 2 nieces but one from my sister and one from my brother. In the dream both nieces felt like they came from my brother. In real life, its my sister-in-law who is giving me a nephew and not my sister. The age of the girls are quite a few years off. And my sister's house doesn't have a back porch; nor does my brother's. So really the only things that were correct were the orders of the children: 2 girls and 1 boy. But I'm still hoping that the mystery guy does show up sometime before baby #4 from whichever sibling arrives.

Now here's the kicker. A few days after having that dream. I had another one that was more like a puzzle. I'm not sure how it started and what it was really about. The only reason it stuck to me till now was because when I woke up, I yelled out the numbers 3-1-4. I kept trying to figure out what it meant. Obviously not lottery numbers. Not related to anything I was dealing with at the moment or something I might've recently encountered. The only conclusion I got was it somehow could be about March 2014 or possibly even March 14th itself. I don't know anyone born that day. But for now, I just tell myself something important will happen then.

So putting those together. I'll definitely be happy if on March 2014 I found my mystery guy. Or I guess with my most recent situation, I'd be very happy if CD does become my mystery guy.