Just Keep Swimming

Sometimes I get into this state of "meh". Its like I've accepted today, like any other day, would be the same routine. Outta bed, go to work, eat, back to bed. Its that stuck in a rut kinda feel but not as depressing.

I know I should be more happy because things are slightly moving along. I did get the 2nd part time job. Its hella boring but at least it pays. I've been there just over a month now and I already got a recognition. They have this pretty cool award system; you get a fossil watch, cash, or choose from their catalog... depending on what you won and how many times you've won. I'm 2 recognitions away from that watch and cash prize. =P

Moving out is becoming more and more real day by day. Just waiting for the go signal for move in date and signing mortgage papers. I'm kinda scared that I won't be able to be freely spend as I like because my hours still hasn't gone up at the hospital and soon my financial needs would like triple in size. Mind you, I don't spend a lot and rarely on expensive things. But when I do like something even if its expensive, I would buy it.

On the dating front. I actually met a guy online and we did meet once. Unfortunately, I'm really not feeling anything. Interesting guy to talk with online but what's really getting at me is that I think he needs a friend more than a girlfriend. Who knows maybe that girlfriend is the friend he needs but I don't think that its me. I'm actually now somewhat figuring out how to tell him this. I have a feeling he isn't seeing other girls because we're still talking to each other. I don't want him to miss out on meeting his Ms. Right. But at the same time, knowing his current situation, I can tell he just needs someone to talk things out and I'm willing to be the friend that listens so bringing up that I'm not interested in him seems rather mean at this point.

On the bright side, I'm glad this is as bad as how my problems can be right now. They're pretty minute compared to what others face on a daily basis.

NBIL - Never Been in Love

So here's a topic I rarely share.. just coz people tend to think it can't possibly be true. But yes, I have never been in love. Call it lame, fear of rejection, or commitment issues... whatever you want, its still true. I've never had a boyfriend, gone on a "real" date or been kissed. I'm a bit old school and would like to have been dated first before getting kissed (or going in a relationship for that matter). Then you realize I'm 24 years old, so you probably think its pathetic.

I've had my fair share of crushes, though those don't count as the real deal. I do get the same giddyness whenever I see the guy I'm crushing on. I like how I can be restless just thinking about seeing him the next day. But even I know its not love. Because the part where I want him to love me back, its not in that equation. I haven't met a guy who I wished loved me back. Just guys who I know are darn right amazing and would make some other girl really lucky.

I've tried figuring out why I am the way I am. Heck, even my best friend couldn't answer why when her boyfriend asked why I was single (btw, I so take it as a compliment when a guy wonders why I'm single). Here's what I keep telling myself, especially during my school days:

I do not need the drama during my most stressful period of my life where I am discovering what I want in life but somehow balancing that with what I need to do in life such as school, work, family and other commitments.

But now that school is over, I can actually afford the drama. The down side of having avoided it till now is that I have no clue how to deal with it. Not that those who have started dating since elementary have conquered the dating field. However, it'd still be great to have gotten over some drama jitters and know how to cruise my way around this and perhaps avoid some bullshit on my windshield.

I refuse to feel bad about me though. I do think everything happens for a reason and according to some cosmic timing as well. So some people fall in love early, some late. All that matters is that I know I'm not immune to love.

Here's to all who's in love, has loved and will be in love. May happiness be all around us!