Dreams can really be interesting. I'm taking about the ones you get from sleeping. I actually took a psychology course about sleep thinking it'd be about interpreting dreams and such but it focused on the affects of the circadian rhythm rather than dreams... so yes, I wasn't particularly keen about that one. Anyway, what I really was hoping to study was how dreams illicit physiological response.
In my case, my heart pounds like crazy when I dream of a guy who in the dream world I believe is my true love. So much so that the pounding wakes me up before any romantic stuff happens. That's probably my body waking me up to prevent myself from having a heart attack. When I was younger, I'd also wake up when I cried too much in my dreams (not because they were nightmares but because they're just sad dreams). I woke up with real tears too. Ohhh and the really interesting one is when I wake up and kick because I just had a dream where I jumped or fell or something like that. Apparently that one is not too uncommon because my friends experience it too.
The reason why I'm posting this is because last night, I think I felt my first broken heart due to a dream. Well, its confusing coz the dream should be happy by all means but my heart sure felt different. Lots of random things happened in the dream that don't connect but the part that I'm talking about was something like this. It was snowing like crazy outside and for some reason I'm on my summer PJs and open-toed slippers. I was looking for the guy who I love but I've yet to confess to. (By the way, I swear he was Asian at first then somehow became Caucasian on the latter part of the dream; not any guy I know in real life too). Other people began leaving their homes/office/school and were coming outside and they all were appropriately dressed for this blizzard. They all looked at me like I'm crazy. I finally gave up looking for him and decided to go to Starbucks for a hot drink. As I turned around, someone threw a navy green winter coat over my head and shoulder to shield me from the snow. My heart kinda started pounding around this part because I knew that it was him, the guy I love. He held my hand and we went to Starbucks together. When we got there, he let go of my hand so he can order our drinks. I was still kinda in la-la land about how he took his jacket off and gave it to me. Then I noticed how the pretty barista was very chatty with him. I didn't think he was flirting back with her but for some reason I didn't like what I felt so I ran. I guess it must've been to our home or some area with a special meaning because it wasn't familiar to me in real life. There was a bonfire in the middle of the room and I was kneeling down and warming my hands. He came in looking frazzled then quickly knelt beside me. He held my hands in his again and this time was blowing on it, as if to keep it warm. I can see that he looked hurt coz I left him. He told me that he was sorry and that he loves me. And that's when I woke up.
My heart was pounding so much but somehow I knew it wasn't coz of happiness. Its like I woke up sad because this guy said he love me. He wasn't even real. And if he was, the whole flirty barista thing wouldn't phase me that easily. So I guess I got curious why my heart reacted the way it did.
I'm also curious why certain details stood out for me. Like the navy green winter coat. I can still picture it as if I'm still in the dream world. I also remember the combination to a locker, which was a whole other scene before lover boy showed up. Yet the most important details... like say his face or name was totally gone by the time I woke up.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Monday, 13 April 2015
Monday, 17 March 2014
My brain won't shut up
I think its too excited about the endless possibilities of tomorrow. Even though I'm lacking sleep and actually do have time to sleep, I can't because my brain is just on fire. Its been re-writing over and over again how my life potentially could be for this year and next. Like how school is starting in a month and a half and that I'll only have to study for 7 months, do some training, write a couple of exams and finally land a career I actually do care about. Then next year my potentially new home will be ready. Everything brand-spanking new plus I get to live on my own again.
Just the idea of all these new beginnings is enough to make me happy!
Of course the best new beginning would be finding a new crush. Its kinda sad to say this but I do miss CD only coz I miss the hype of having a crush. When I see him there's no more internal-elementary-school-girl-screaming. Instead I'm seeing more and more why I don't like him as much. Like the things that I wouldn't have minded back then now seem major valid reasons why I shouldn't like him. DP said I'm probably in denial and this is my self-defence mechanism kicking in. But if that's true then I should feel more bothered when he's around me. If any, being with him actually makes me miss and at the same time pity the old me. In some way I really am relieved of having to over-think everything he does but I also miss that part of me that's always hopeful.
The sucker part is that now I can be with him without automatically translating everything he says/does, it seems like we're actually really communicating again. And knowing me, it'll only take so little before I start feeling something for him again.
[March 19, 2014 UPDATE]
Gah! It's starting. The over-thinking. Last night's shift had more communication with CD than usual since there was only 5 of us working. As we were getting ready to go home, he asked if I am working tonight to which I replied no then he casually adds that he also has the night off. I already knew he wanted the night off so he can work on Saturday instead to be there for the other supervisor's last day. But then I started thinking why is he telling me he got tonight off when he knows that I already know he got it off. Anyway, the good part is that I'm only at the "what was that about" stage. I haven't actually began creating scenarios in my head trying to break down what really probably is a simple conversation.
Just the idea of all these new beginnings is enough to make me happy!
Of course the best new beginning would be finding a new crush. Its kinda sad to say this but I do miss CD only coz I miss the hype of having a crush. When I see him there's no more internal-elementary-school-girl-screaming. Instead I'm seeing more and more why I don't like him as much. Like the things that I wouldn't have minded back then now seem major valid reasons why I shouldn't like him. DP said I'm probably in denial and this is my self-defence mechanism kicking in. But if that's true then I should feel more bothered when he's around me. If any, being with him actually makes me miss and at the same time pity the old me. In some way I really am relieved of having to over-think everything he does but I also miss that part of me that's always hopeful.
The sucker part is that now I can be with him without automatically translating everything he says/does, it seems like we're actually really communicating again. And knowing me, it'll only take so little before I start feeling something for him again.
[March 19, 2014 UPDATE]
Gah! It's starting. The over-thinking. Last night's shift had more communication with CD than usual since there was only 5 of us working. As we were getting ready to go home, he asked if I am working tonight to which I replied no then he casually adds that he also has the night off. I already knew he wanted the night off so he can work on Saturday instead to be there for the other supervisor's last day. But then I started thinking why is he telling me he got tonight off when he knows that I already know he got it off. Anyway, the good part is that I'm only at the "what was that about" stage. I haven't actually began creating scenarios in my head trying to break down what really probably is a simple conversation.
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
An introvert's diet plan
This probably isn't the healthiest of any diet plan. Heck, its not even a plan. It sorta happened by chance.
But before I start let me say that I am now 25lbs lighter than my heaviest weight ever!!
The first 15lbs I lost while living and working abroad. A combination of can't read ingredients in foreign language = can't cook = can't eat a lot. And also the work part exhausting to me the point that I'd rather sleep than eat.
The next 10lbs I lost here after I've moved back and got my new job. It's much more physical and it's probably the reason why I lost that much weight in 2 months (in comparison to the 15lbs I lost in a year).
I'd also like to point out that I don't exercise at all. I avoid it all cost. Its gotten to a point where any major exercise causes me to be nauseous. Like on my first month back here, I went on a mini hike with my best friend. It was all good and dandy... till I went home. My body temperature got so high triggered a massive migraine and I just had a pukefest.
So now, you must be wondering how I lost that weight. Well, like I said, it's by chance. It's all sleep! Sounds like a dream right? But hey, its working for me. You see, as an introvert, I can afford to sleep as long as I want. I only wake up for work, or when my own brain has had too much sleep already. I pretty much only eat during breaks at work and lately I can't even finish my packed meals (which is usually leftover from a previous meal). On my days off though, or when I do have to socialize, more eating is involved. But because I haven't seen my friends for a while (not just coz of my schedule but because of their own too), I haven't been eating out as much.
My uncle once told me that you just gotta get your stomach to shrink. It's kinda like the stomach staple minus the staple part. And I think that's exactly what's happening here. When I do eat, there's still a fair share of junk food. And I'm glad I don't have to cut that off. I just gotta eat them in proportions.
Anyway, I'm worried coz there'll be less shift for work after the holidays. So how does an introvert like me get exercise without really exercising? Guess we'll find out once we've crossed that bridge. But for now, I gotta maintain what I lost.
PS: 20lbs more and I'll reached my ideal weight.
But before I start let me say that I am now 25lbs lighter than my heaviest weight ever!!
The first 15lbs I lost while living and working abroad. A combination of can't read ingredients in foreign language = can't cook = can't eat a lot. And also the work part exhausting to me the point that I'd rather sleep than eat.
The next 10lbs I lost here after I've moved back and got my new job. It's much more physical and it's probably the reason why I lost that much weight in 2 months (in comparison to the 15lbs I lost in a year).
I'd also like to point out that I don't exercise at all. I avoid it all cost. Its gotten to a point where any major exercise causes me to be nauseous. Like on my first month back here, I went on a mini hike with my best friend. It was all good and dandy... till I went home. My body temperature got so high triggered a massive migraine and I just had a pukefest.
So now, you must be wondering how I lost that weight. Well, like I said, it's by chance. It's all sleep! Sounds like a dream right? But hey, its working for me. You see, as an introvert, I can afford to sleep as long as I want. I only wake up for work, or when my own brain has had too much sleep already. I pretty much only eat during breaks at work and lately I can't even finish my packed meals (which is usually leftover from a previous meal). On my days off though, or when I do have to socialize, more eating is involved. But because I haven't seen my friends for a while (not just coz of my schedule but because of their own too), I haven't been eating out as much.
My uncle once told me that you just gotta get your stomach to shrink. It's kinda like the stomach staple minus the staple part. And I think that's exactly what's happening here. When I do eat, there's still a fair share of junk food. And I'm glad I don't have to cut that off. I just gotta eat them in proportions.
Anyway, I'm worried coz there'll be less shift for work after the holidays. So how does an introvert like me get exercise without really exercising? Guess we'll find out once we've crossed that bridge. But for now, I gotta maintain what I lost.
PS: 20lbs more and I'll reached my ideal weight.
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