Quit testing me, universe!

Every time... ugh.. I swear. You know that time when you're about to give up on your crush but some how they do something and just pull you back in? Well, that's happening right now. Except, I have actually given up on him and I'm not really pulled back in (not all the way anyway) but rather annoyed that its happening now instead of back then.

There was a time when I had my emotional boohoos over CD because it totally caught me off guard and I just panicked about it. I started hyperventilating to DP and KC. Bless their souls for trying to calm me down. Anyway, I told them that everything that has happened between me and CD only happened because I initiated it. I'm the one who invites him to all these hang outs and that just once, I wish it was him who invited me. Well, it finally happened yesterday.

He invited me to a barbecue that the supervisors are planning tomorrow. First of all, let me congratulate myself for not having a screaming-school-girl moment. In fact, my initial reaction was more like an uh-oh. As much as I do want to go and hang out with these awesome people, I am now (and probably forever as long as I'm in that company) afraid of how certain co-workers will interpret this and any future friendship with any supervisor. They will once again blame the supervisors of favoritism and they'll think I'm trying to buy my way up the ranks. So because of that, I wasn't really able to say yes or no. I actually can't remember how the conversation ended too. He did catch me by surprise by asking me. At first I just overheard him talking to the other supervisor about it in the office. Then I left the office to head upstairs and he caught up with me on the escalator. He casually asked if I was going, to which I responded where. I just remember saying I never was invited. Then that's it. Don't recall saying yes, no, maybe, let's talk about it later or anything like that.

So I'll admit a part of me is kinda waiting to be re-invited again. But I'm almost 100% sure it won't happen because he doesn't appear to be that kind of guy and also tomorrow's gonna be a crappy day for a barbecue. The funny thing is I would've probably said no if he did ask me again, unless he manages to convinces me otherwise.

Aside from the invite. He's also been sitting beside me in the lunch room. Though I think that was really just because the other supervisor sat with us too. But at least during these times, I'm not interpreting it anymore like I used to. I'm just really really annoyed that these things are happening now when I wanted it so badly back then.

The lunch room situation

Phew! Haven't had a real break to sit down and just rant away on this blog. Work has got me busy and exhausted... which may actually be a good thing because I spend less time shopping and am actually saving 90% of my earnings.

Anyway I decided to write about an all too familiar situation. I think the movie Mean Girls made it super clear, as well as the TV show Malcolm in the Middle... and really a bunch of other references.

That time where you're not sure which table to sit at and which person to converse with. One of those days where there's no written rule that limits you where you could be but somehow you still feel you must tread the waters carefully. As if the first table/chair you choose will be that one defining moment of your high school (or other) career.

It's been a month since I started at my new job and its pretty interesting seeing how this division in the lunch room works. There's around 30 people in my department. By far, I'd say the division is cultural at first. People of the same ethnic background eat together; probably to talk in the same language and share the same familiar food. Then there'd be the gender division (mostly for those who don't belong to a large ethnic group). But its funny coz its not like the girls talk about girly things while the guys talk about manly things. In fact both groups can sit together and enjoy the same conversation but for some reason each are just tight knit as separate groups. Now the last group would be the smokers who has to use their break time wisely. Being in the graveyard shift means every entrance/exit in the building has an alarm and can only be deactivated at a certain time and location. So these guys rarely have time to eat during break. Instead they go for breakfast together after work which I must say is really awesome. I haven't hung out with work people outside of work because we're all just too tired and wanna sleep or have to go to our next job.

Outside of the lunch room though is different, everyone still works together. Not always harmoniously as one would like to think. For instance, many complaints have gone around this past week. I'm pretty worried how the group chemistry would be once some people are let go (failing the probationary period) or if some more people are added. I think its still a bit early to change the dynamics of it all but sadly its not my call.

Anyway, I'm just glad that out of the 30 people I work with, I can clearly say that I enjoy working with about 7 of them, 20 people I am good working with (meaning we each do our job properly but I don't enjoy their company as much) and 3 that I seriously wish I never have to be with. I'd say those statistics are looking good.