I repeat!
Shit has hit the fan!!
What the heck is going on at work? I thought we're under budget? Why the heck have they opened a new position?
One of my co-worker went on mat leave and her replacement just finished training. Another co-worker leaves and the new replacement has just started training. Then another co-worker is coming back from mat leave so she needs to be re-trained as well. And now this? A totally brand new job position! One which no current casual from our team can pick up because we're all pretty low ranking in seniority.
So I'm already on the lowest of the low and now I just got pushed down not once, not twice but thrice!
This is not looking very good at all.
Insert swear words *(&$W%!*@)#%$!)#@F
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Monday, 21 September 2015
The Calm Before Shit Hits The Fan
Sooooooo I'm slightly doing better compared to last week. I've done around $600 worth of damage. Surprisingly on things I actually do need and not just on recklessly must have now. I think it helped that I finally found out the completion date for my new condo. Woohoo! Something good to look forward to. That oughta keep me distracted till November. I just hope that my shifts increase from now on so that I can pay for this new responsibility. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to do careless spending anymore. Every price tag will now incur a good 5 minute or more thought process.
I'm so excited but also scared.
But most of all. I'm thankful because I know God provides for His children. =)
I'm so excited but also scared.
But most of all. I'm thankful because I know God provides for His children. =)
Monday, 24 August 2015
Big Kid Throws a Tantrum
I really feel like going belly down on the floor and flopping my arms and legs while wailing like a damn beluga. I'm not sure what happened but its like something finally got my switches flipped and I am totally feeling like being a grade A top knotch biotch.
Every damn small thing is making me angry. Some are valid angry moments and others are just plain ridiculous but its like I don't care and I just wanna be vicious.
1.) My last licensing exam. I've been waiting for the damn letter to notify me of my seat for the exam. My classmate who applied 2 days after me, got it last week on Thursday. So I'm effing confused how her application got processed before mine. If they're going alphabetical by applicant's last name, her last name is just a letter before mine. Seriously doubt it takes a day, a full weekend and another day for my mail to arrive after hers. We're both on the same stages of the licensing process too. So where's my damn letter? Ugh. It says online that I should only call if its within the 1 week window. That's a little late in my opinion. What about the poor folks who finds out they don't have a spot to write the exam and they took a week off at work to study.
2.) A group of church friends wanted to make/give a present for our Pastor's birthday. I told them about taking pics from my polaroid and putting in a frame... all of which I can get prepared since I know they're busy. I just ask that they meet me for 5 minutes. No one effing replies. I know they read the post. All they had to say was yes, no, maybe. But not a single effing reply. This isn't the first time where I try to arrange something and no one replies. Dude, I've been through school and work and most often than not.. both at the same time. I know how busy one can get. I'm also busy myself. But I really really find it disrespectful when someone doesn't even acknowledge your question when you know they read it. Plus you've already suggested ways to make it easy for them but no... not even a thank you. I wouldn't take offense if they didn't like the photo idea. I've emphasized time and again that we can do something else. This is supposed to be the group where we trust each other and pray for each other but I can't even get a single damn project to work out with these people.
3.) My mom has been irking me a lot these days. I figure it adds up to one thing. She's getting old and you know how old people can be stubborn. Like on Friday, I got mad how she can be so inconsiderate towards me. She wanted us to go sleepover at my brother's place to visit my new nephew but kept telling me to ask. What I don't get is why me? She can ask herself, she's the one who wants to go. And the funny thing is she tells me to ask but then there's also times she tells me that I'm too disrespectful because I just go to my brother's place likes its my own place and eat their food like its my own food. How I see it is that she wants to be able to go to my brother's place like how I do but is too shy in her old fashioned way about it and insist on hiding behind my so-called "disrespectful" way. So anyway, we finally got to the go signal to sleepover there. My mom then tells me she'll just visit someone at the hospital first before getting home. The person is on the end of life care program so I understood why she had to go. It was around 7:30 pm and I started wondering where she was. Turns out she's grocery shopping. What the fuck. I wanna go to my brother's place to see the kids awake. What was the point of us sleeping over there if the people we're visiting are asleep? She then said it was for our breakfast tomorrow. Ummm... then wouldn't the better solution be to visit tomorrow after breakfast? Sheesh. So long story short I drive at 9 pm to visit no one. Other things that irk me is when she'd ask me a question when she'd figure out the answer herself in half a second. Like that time she had her hand on the door lock and asks me if I locked the door. I said, why don't you go check. Then she goes on saying I'm being rude. All the while, I'm just thinking FML woman. Your hands are literally on the lock. You just twist left or right and you'd know. Besides if I had said yes or no... she'd still check anyway and lock it herself. She also thinks its rude when I say I know. She goes on saying why can't you say yes mom or no mom. I know is just I know, quit translating it to tagalog and adding the tone you are imagining which I'm definitely not giving off. Although these days I probably am giving it off more than usual because you are getting too defensive about my so called attitude. The more you think I have an attitude, the more I'll show it.
4.) Work. I know they're just going through the protocols but these on call shifts are getting ridiculous. People should've just given their shifts away in the first place instead of scrambling last minute to find a replacement. Ohhh and I couldn't believe they still posted a full time line knowing well that the casuals and part times aren't getting any good amount of shifts. Couldn't they wait till next year when the casuals have earned their license? What's the hurry to hire a new person when there's no budget and the current staff you have are demanding for more hours.
BWAHHHHHHH! End of tantrum I think. Yeah, sorry to sound like a brat. Like I said, dunno where it came from.
Every damn small thing is making me angry. Some are valid angry moments and others are just plain ridiculous but its like I don't care and I just wanna be vicious.
1.) My last licensing exam. I've been waiting for the damn letter to notify me of my seat for the exam. My classmate who applied 2 days after me, got it last week on Thursday. So I'm effing confused how her application got processed before mine. If they're going alphabetical by applicant's last name, her last name is just a letter before mine. Seriously doubt it takes a day, a full weekend and another day for my mail to arrive after hers. We're both on the same stages of the licensing process too. So where's my damn letter? Ugh. It says online that I should only call if its within the 1 week window. That's a little late in my opinion. What about the poor folks who finds out they don't have a spot to write the exam and they took a week off at work to study.
2.) A group of church friends wanted to make/give a present for our Pastor's birthday. I told them about taking pics from my polaroid and putting in a frame... all of which I can get prepared since I know they're busy. I just ask that they meet me for 5 minutes. No one effing replies. I know they read the post. All they had to say was yes, no, maybe. But not a single effing reply. This isn't the first time where I try to arrange something and no one replies. Dude, I've been through school and work and most often than not.. both at the same time. I know how busy one can get. I'm also busy myself. But I really really find it disrespectful when someone doesn't even acknowledge your question when you know they read it. Plus you've already suggested ways to make it easy for them but no... not even a thank you. I wouldn't take offense if they didn't like the photo idea. I've emphasized time and again that we can do something else. This is supposed to be the group where we trust each other and pray for each other but I can't even get a single damn project to work out with these people.
3.) My mom has been irking me a lot these days. I figure it adds up to one thing. She's getting old and you know how old people can be stubborn. Like on Friday, I got mad how she can be so inconsiderate towards me. She wanted us to go sleepover at my brother's place to visit my new nephew but kept telling me to ask. What I don't get is why me? She can ask herself, she's the one who wants to go. And the funny thing is she tells me to ask but then there's also times she tells me that I'm too disrespectful because I just go to my brother's place likes its my own place and eat their food like its my own food. How I see it is that she wants to be able to go to my brother's place like how I do but is too shy in her old fashioned way about it and insist on hiding behind my so-called "disrespectful" way. So anyway, we finally got to the go signal to sleepover there. My mom then tells me she'll just visit someone at the hospital first before getting home. The person is on the end of life care program so I understood why she had to go. It was around 7:30 pm and I started wondering where she was. Turns out she's grocery shopping. What the fuck. I wanna go to my brother's place to see the kids awake. What was the point of us sleeping over there if the people we're visiting are asleep? She then said it was for our breakfast tomorrow. Ummm... then wouldn't the better solution be to visit tomorrow after breakfast? Sheesh. So long story short I drive at 9 pm to visit no one. Other things that irk me is when she'd ask me a question when she'd figure out the answer herself in half a second. Like that time she had her hand on the door lock and asks me if I locked the door. I said, why don't you go check. Then she goes on saying I'm being rude. All the while, I'm just thinking FML woman. Your hands are literally on the lock. You just twist left or right and you'd know. Besides if I had said yes or no... she'd still check anyway and lock it herself. She also thinks its rude when I say I know. She goes on saying why can't you say yes mom or no mom. I know is just I know, quit translating it to tagalog and adding the tone you are imagining which I'm definitely not giving off. Although these days I probably am giving it off more than usual because you are getting too defensive about my so called attitude. The more you think I have an attitude, the more I'll show it.
4.) Work. I know they're just going through the protocols but these on call shifts are getting ridiculous. People should've just given their shifts away in the first place instead of scrambling last minute to find a replacement. Ohhh and I couldn't believe they still posted a full time line knowing well that the casuals and part times aren't getting any good amount of shifts. Couldn't they wait till next year when the casuals have earned their license? What's the hurry to hire a new person when there's no budget and the current staff you have are demanding for more hours.
BWAHHHHHHH! End of tantrum I think. Yeah, sorry to sound like a brat. Like I said, dunno where it came from.
Thursday, 4 June 2015
Do You Believe in Sagittarius
I really don't believe in horoscopes. But I do read em for fun. Once in a while you get totally absurd predictions but then you also get those bang-on ones. Today's horoscope from the local newspaper though was something I kinda wish would come true. This is how I'd interpret the following.
New possibilities:
- A new job which I did apply for just 2 days ago
- My Mr. Right is right around the corner. Hahaha!! I wish
Idealistic commitment:
- I guess a job is a commitment
- Being with Mr. Right is a type of commitment too
New income source:
- Ohh look, its talking a bit more about that job I just applied for
- Maybe Mr. Right is a sugar daddy
What I seek:
- Ummmm... another job?
- Ummmm... Mr. Right?
Imagination fires your speech:
- B.S. my way through the interview for the job?
- I could B.S. my way into a relationship but I ain't a fool
Old barrier:
- Finally... something not related to work.
- Although it does apply to the dramas of the past regarding CD
Next level:
- Promotion? Ha! Not until I get my license and SPT done.
- With CD? Hhhmmm... if its meant to be then sure.
Now see how every word is related to job/money and love/relationships? No wonder its so easy to believe that these horoscopes are talking about each of us. I mean who doesn't go through troubles with work and relationships? What I really can't wrap my mind around is the fact that its like saying there's only 12 kinds of fate for the 7 billion people of the world each day. And that if you happen to be born on certain days, your fate is according to 1 of these 12.
That's just how I think though. But like I said, despite my logic, I still like to read these things for fun.
Monday, 2 March 2015
Before I Let You Go
Some time ago, when I was just recently dealing with the drama about GF... I decided to dedicate this song to CD. I was so convinced that I have to let him and I know it wouldn't be easy so this sorta became my comfort song.
And for a while I didn't have to listen to this song because I was finally okay being around CD and not having to feel anything. I let go, so to speak.
But now, its like 100% must let him go... as in no other choice. He's finally left the company and the stupid guy had to keep it a secret till last minute. I didn't even really have time to process how I feel and wasn't even there for his last shift. In fact, if I hadn't decided to show up last Saturday, I wouldn't have been asked to work on Sunday (when he eventually told me he is leaving).
Now I'm going through withdrawal symptoms. I am missing him soooooo badly but I know it was bound to happen so I'm trying to forget him little by little. However, a new co-worker is making it impossible. I didn't really hang out with her as much before but I just realized that she likes CD too. She actually reminds me a lot of myself when I first started liking CD. In many ways though, she's lucky coz she only liked him for a short time and it should be easier for her to let go of him. And also, there wouldn't be a drama between us like there was for GF and me... because there's no point of either of us liking CD.
To clarify about this song for CD... no we weren't in love in a special way. And I'm not even sure this is love but I admit this is the closest to love for me. There definitely was no kissing to reminisce about. But pretty much everything else about the song applies... especially about missing his smile.
Monday, 16 February 2015
Happy Almost Valentines
Aside from working 2 shifts back to back, I had a pretty dang awesome Valentines. And yes, its coz CD was there.
They were handing out Valentines cards to all team members at work and he so happens to hold mine. He said my name, smiled and gave me the card. Of course I know the card isn't really from him and it wasn't unique (in a sense that everybody else got one too) but it still made me happy. I joked right away that if this was a red envelope for Chinese New Years, the money part is missing. And that just made him smile all the more which made me smile in turn.
The next day, some of us decided to meet up for a mini-get together. I think I'm most glad that its like we were hanging out the way things were before the drama. We could joke around again. We talked about where everyone is heading after leaving the company. He still wouldn't tell anyone where he'll be working but he kept saying he is leaving soon. That pretty much made me really sad. I would definitely love to have one last grand hang out with him. But luckily the group herder (the older brother / almost uncle of the group) loves to organize get-togethers and everyone pretty much agreed to meeting up at least once a month to catch up with each other's lives.
As we're all heading home, him and another co-worker got a ride from me. I parked 4-5 blocks away from the cafe we were at and it got cold that night. As we were walking he noticed that I was shivering and offered his jacket. Of course I turned it down coz I know he was just wearing short sleeves underneath whereas I had one layer of long sleeves at least. We walked a bit more and he said (not asked but said) "if we're still far away from your car, I'm giving you my jacket".
KABOOM! Yes, my brain just exploded. This is like the scene most girls think of when there's a budding romance story involved. Of course, it wasn't as romantic coz someone else was with us and my car was already there. But nonetheless I enjoyed the car ride with him. As usual though he didn't wanna get dropped off at his home. He said he wanted to walk anyway so we drove to my house instead. Guess it sorta worked out coz when I parked my car in the garage, he stayed back a bit to try and help me fix my bluetooth/FM transmitter, which now I know is hopelessly broken.
Now, I'm pretty curious why he doesn't like getting dropped off at his house. Coz it definitely wouldn't be out of the way. Or is that his way of making sure I got home safely. Well whatever the case, I'm glad how today and yesterday turned out.
Ooohhhh, I also found out that we both want to watch exactly the same 2 movies that are showing right now. That probably was my cue to ask him but I couldn't coz GF was there and I don't wanna cause any potential dramas.
PS: I lost 4 pounds after finally letting myself like CD again, coincidence? Me thinks not. Ha! Another plus to having a crush is the motivation to feel/look good. Only 17 lbs left to lose from what I gained from school.
Monday, 9 February 2015
Monica Oh Monica
Ok so I may have come up with a slightly odd solution to undo this LB situation. That is to let myself like CD again. Errr.... I guess to be honest those 2 ideas kinda just lined up since I may actually just be liking CD again. I know, its nuts!! He does drive me nuts. The little things he do sure leaves big impressions on me.
Remember that list I made of trying to figure out if he could like me or not. Well that's like starting over again. Its just are they signals or my imagination? I'll name a few that has happened since I re-joined the department.
1.) He's been teasing me a lot and kept saying my name as if I was getting in trouble but that's just his way of telling me what tasks to do. And damn, as soon as I walk away after receiving instructions from him, I can't help but smile. (Hence the title of this post)
2.) When I'm trying my best not to look at him because #1 I don't want it to be obvious that I'm aware of his presence and #2 so that I look like I'm 100% focused on my job; that's like when he randomly helps me out with whatever I'm working on. Its like he knows that's when I'm the most vulnerable to his effects.
3.) The small conversation he initiates. Yes, him. This goes in part with #2 where I'm trying my best to sorta ignore him (i.e. play it cool). Then outta nowhere he'd work beside me and make small talks. FYI, he's a pretty private kinda person so small talks are kinda rare with him.
There's more obviously but I'm leaving this at that. I'm really just enjoying things being back to the way they were before the drama. Maybe coz the lead causes of the drama ain't there. But at this point, I don't see myself having a full on 100% crush on CD again. Like I said before, when we leave the company, I really feel like we'll never see each other anyway. So it would take a whole lot of universe ploy for us to ever come meet again after work.
Remember that list I made of trying to figure out if he could like me or not. Well that's like starting over again. Its just are they signals or my imagination? I'll name a few that has happened since I re-joined the department.
1.) He's been teasing me a lot and kept saying my name as if I was getting in trouble but that's just his way of telling me what tasks to do. And damn, as soon as I walk away after receiving instructions from him, I can't help but smile. (Hence the title of this post)
2.) When I'm trying my best not to look at him because #1 I don't want it to be obvious that I'm aware of his presence and #2 so that I look like I'm 100% focused on my job; that's like when he randomly helps me out with whatever I'm working on. Its like he knows that's when I'm the most vulnerable to his effects.
3.) The small conversation he initiates. Yes, him. This goes in part with #2 where I'm trying my best to sorta ignore him (i.e. play it cool). Then outta nowhere he'd work beside me and make small talks. FYI, he's a pretty private kinda person so small talks are kinda rare with him.
There's more obviously but I'm leaving this at that. I'm really just enjoying things being back to the way they were before the drama. Maybe coz the lead causes of the drama ain't there. But at this point, I don't see myself having a full on 100% crush on CD again. Like I said before, when we leave the company, I really feel like we'll never see each other anyway. So it would take a whole lot of universe ploy for us to ever come meet again after work.
Sunday, 25 January 2015
Stuck in 5th gear
A little play on words here. Only those who knows CD's real name will get it.
Anyway, I should probably clarify myself a bit here. I'm not saying I'm strung over him. Its just I have to admit... its been hard finding someone to like after him. I've yet to meet a guy my age who has the same qualities that I liked from CD. The closest happens to be way much younger. He's cuter than CD but definitely a no no since I sort of view him as a little brother and I think he respects me as a big sister too.
There's no one at work that I'm particularly interested at... and thank goodness for that. Can't afford any drama there. My very limited social circle also has zero available dudes that I am interested in. So I'm left here thinking if I'm really over CD or there's just really no one yet.
You know, I probably wouldn't feel as affected about this if there weren't people constantly trying to find someone for me. They mean well but I'm not really interested in long distance relationships. If I'm getting a boyfriend I want one that I can actually spend real time with.
I kinda wanna chuckle about the CD situation though coz I remember distinctly telling myself that I will confess to him if I still like him by the time one of us leaves the company. Well, now we're both leaving. I just don't know if I still like him and if there's still a point to it. Now its like I wanna change that to if we happen to see each other again and regularly for that matter then yes, I'll try to make a move that time. But I can only say that confidently coz I'm almost 100% sure we won't even see each other anymore... even though we live in the same neighborhood.
Some of you might be laughing at this very childish version of me. But that's just who I really am. I would never be the first to admit something like a crush. I probably would want to kick my own ass in the end but I always figured if he liked me back, he'd be able to tell how much he is driving me nuts.
Anyway, I should probably clarify myself a bit here. I'm not saying I'm strung over him. Its just I have to admit... its been hard finding someone to like after him. I've yet to meet a guy my age who has the same qualities that I liked from CD. The closest happens to be way much younger. He's cuter than CD but definitely a no no since I sort of view him as a little brother and I think he respects me as a big sister too.
There's no one at work that I'm particularly interested at... and thank goodness for that. Can't afford any drama there. My very limited social circle also has zero available dudes that I am interested in. So I'm left here thinking if I'm really over CD or there's just really no one yet.
You know, I probably wouldn't feel as affected about this if there weren't people constantly trying to find someone for me. They mean well but I'm not really interested in long distance relationships. If I'm getting a boyfriend I want one that I can actually spend real time with.
I kinda wanna chuckle about the CD situation though coz I remember distinctly telling myself that I will confess to him if I still like him by the time one of us leaves the company. Well, now we're both leaving. I just don't know if I still like him and if there's still a point to it. Now its like I wanna change that to if we happen to see each other again and regularly for that matter then yes, I'll try to make a move that time. But I can only say that confidently coz I'm almost 100% sure we won't even see each other anymore... even though we live in the same neighborhood.
Some of you might be laughing at this very childish version of me. But that's just who I really am. I would never be the first to admit something like a crush. I probably would want to kick my own ass in the end but I always figured if he liked me back, he'd be able to tell how much he is driving me nuts.
Tuesday, 30 December 2014
Its not like that anymore
Aside from officially starting my career, December has been an awesome month. I am also back with my overnight team. This time a little smarter and avoiding drama when I can. That being said, I am no longer infatuated with CD but I do get curious once in a while. I often think what if so and so happened this way, how would things be. Its kinda weird because I feel like I won't be able to move on without figuring out the answer, whether I like the outcome or not. But its probably more because I really don't wanna feel confused like that again and not so much because of CD himself.
A lot of people are curious as to when I'll be introducing someone to them. I know they mean well but its not like its my choice for how things are the way they are. So instead of going nuts over this, I'll just deal with what I know I can... which at the moment is making myself financially independent. I figure by the time he comes along, there's one less problem for us to fight about.
So here's to a brand new year. 2015 was the year I always felt many changes are bound to happen (see 5 year plan of 2013). Though I guess career hunting came sooner than expected. Anyway, here's the new 5 year plan of 2015.
2015: move out; licensing exams
2016: hermit mode
2017: travel
2018: engagement?
2019: marriage? (yeah kinda aiming high here lol)
A lot of people are curious as to when I'll be introducing someone to them. I know they mean well but its not like its my choice for how things are the way they are. So instead of going nuts over this, I'll just deal with what I know I can... which at the moment is making myself financially independent. I figure by the time he comes along, there's one less problem for us to fight about.
So here's to a brand new year. 2015 was the year I always felt many changes are bound to happen (see 5 year plan of 2013). Though I guess career hunting came sooner than expected. Anyway, here's the new 5 year plan of 2015.
2015: move out; licensing exams
2016: hermit mode
2017: travel
2018: engagement?
2019: marriage? (yeah kinda aiming high here lol)
Thursday, 23 October 2014
Holy kajeebees
What a confusing week. I'm now on my 3rd week of practicum and its my worst week as of yet. I've made errors that even I'm frustrated about. At least the previous errors I did was because I wasn't taught about it in school. But somehow, my preceptor decided to talk to me about preparing for a screening test so that I can get a jump start on the interview process. Is that not the same as getting a job offer?
Mwahahahaha!!
So I'm going to study this weekend and hope that I pass that screening test. I really don't want to fail because I do like my practicum site and the people there. Plus, I do see myself working there until its time for me to retire. How often do people feel that way about any job prospects?
Anywho, don't wanna jinx this. So... till the next post then.
[UPDATE: October 29, 2014]
Got 98% on the screening test! Although one was a total misunderstanding and the other question was really one of those "well if such and such happened then yeah that statement is true".
[UPDATE: November 7, 2014]
Got interviewed. Did great on it apparently. They just need to check my references and its all set. Oh-em-gee. Here's the first step to my future career. Hurrah!
[UPDATE: November 12, 2014]
I got the job!! Though of course nothing is final till papers are signed. Also, I still need to pass my current practicum which isn't doing so well right now. But I'll rant about that when I'm actually done the practicum. Hehe. Thanks to CD for being my reference.. and belated happy birthday to him too.
Mwahahahaha!!
So I'm going to study this weekend and hope that I pass that screening test. I really don't want to fail because I do like my practicum site and the people there. Plus, I do see myself working there until its time for me to retire. How often do people feel that way about any job prospects?
Anywho, don't wanna jinx this. So... till the next post then.
[UPDATE: October 29, 2014]
Got 98% on the screening test! Although one was a total misunderstanding and the other question was really one of those "well if such and such happened then yeah that statement is true".
[UPDATE: November 7, 2014]
Got interviewed. Did great on it apparently. They just need to check my references and its all set. Oh-em-gee. Here's the first step to my future career. Hurrah!
[UPDATE: November 12, 2014]
I got the job!! Though of course nothing is final till papers are signed. Also, I still need to pass my current practicum which isn't doing so well right now. But I'll rant about that when I'm actually done the practicum. Hehe. Thanks to CD for being my reference.. and belated happy birthday to him too.
Friday, 29 August 2014
Leave of absence
One more month till practicum. Then glorious 2 months of being stress-free from work. Although I'm probably gonna be stressed on practicum too... and not getting paid for it for that matter. So I'm not sure if I should be happy about that. But I do know that at least I'll be learning a lot from it plus it'll help me get the career I want.
Work has been very frustrating lately. You'd think we'd get more hours since its back to school already and the holidays are next. I'm not saying I want more shifts... but I do want someone to work with me!! I hate having to serve customers by myself for 3-4 hours then cleaning up by myself too. The only hours that I see going up is towards other departments but I'm sure in terms of efficiency, our department is the most efficient. They should calculate the total sales of each department per number of staff.
I'm glad my old department supervisor is already asking for me to come back. Sadly I do have to go on leave for my practicum but its really good to know I don't have to return to my current department after practicum.
But I'm kinda having second doubts about returning to my old department. After thinking about how many times I've already stood up for GF, I've come to realize he isn't really the kind of friend I need. He is just unpredictable... one moment you're friends, the next you're not. He doesn't even tell you why, he just beats around the bush by posting something vague on facebook. I've had countless times of wondering if I had done something wrong whenever he made one of those post. I guess I just had enough because this whole time I thought of his well-being and somehow always blamed myself when I know I did nothing wrong. Plus I really don't feel any appreciation when I do something nice for him. And I've also come to the conclusion that he will never trust me as a friend because he still sees me as a competition for CD. So I just know me coming back means more drama again. SIGH!!! Well, one problem at a time I guess.
Work has been very frustrating lately. You'd think we'd get more hours since its back to school already and the holidays are next. I'm not saying I want more shifts... but I do want someone to work with me!! I hate having to serve customers by myself for 3-4 hours then cleaning up by myself too. The only hours that I see going up is towards other departments but I'm sure in terms of efficiency, our department is the most efficient. They should calculate the total sales of each department per number of staff.
I'm glad my old department supervisor is already asking for me to come back. Sadly I do have to go on leave for my practicum but its really good to know I don't have to return to my current department after practicum.
But I'm kinda having second doubts about returning to my old department. After thinking about how many times I've already stood up for GF, I've come to realize he isn't really the kind of friend I need. He is just unpredictable... one moment you're friends, the next you're not. He doesn't even tell you why, he just beats around the bush by posting something vague on facebook. I've had countless times of wondering if I had done something wrong whenever he made one of those post. I guess I just had enough because this whole time I thought of his well-being and somehow always blamed myself when I know I did nothing wrong. Plus I really don't feel any appreciation when I do something nice for him. And I've also come to the conclusion that he will never trust me as a friend because he still sees me as a competition for CD. So I just know me coming back means more drama again. SIGH!!! Well, one problem at a time I guess.
Saturday, 5 July 2014
Opt-shuns
Its still months away, 5 months to be exact, but I'm really worried about it. What should I do?
I'll be graduating at that time and I know I won't be getting the career I want right away. I still have my licensing exams to do after all. But that's all right, it works out because that gives me enough time to save up money since I've been working less hours due to school. My goal is to earn as much as I can with my current job but also work at a pharmacy to keep my skills sharp. In order to do this, I'll have to move back to my old department since they work overnights. Then I can work day shifts at the pharmacy. However, I heard that they are dissolving the old department after the holidays which is pretty much when I'm planning to start.
So my troubles are I'll have to be working 2 day shift jobs instead. I find this to be more exhausting and its harder to please each job schedule-wise. The fact that my current day job doesn't have guaranteed hours is also a problem. I'd like to have one job with guaranteed hours and the only way to get guaranteed hours (in my current company) is to be a full time team lead. Which isn't so bad, that's 40 hours a week of higher pay! I wouldn't mind volunteering at a pharmacy instead to keep my skills in practice. At least with volunteering, I can go do it when I want... yay for lazy days. Now the problem with this whole plan is that how am I supposed to get promoted when obviously the company is going through budget cuts if they're willing to dissolve a team.
Ughh!! I know.
You're probably asking why I bother staying at this company. Its really because I don't have long term plans for these jobs so why start over with a brand new company when I'm leaving in less than a year. At least within my current company, I already have a great reputation. I have a better chance of getting what I want with them than having to start over at a brand new company. Of course this is all assuming I pass my licensing exams next year. After which I'm really hoping I get my career started already. Otherwise I may have to stay longer at my current company.
I have to admit though. The thought of being promoted and getting back at a certain co-worker does sound amusing. I wouldn't be mean to her of course but I can at least rub it in her face especially after hearing that:
1.) she voiced her opinion about being a team lead but still hasn't gotten it yet
2.) the friends that she turned on me has now finally seen her true colors and have turned on her
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
Determined to kick butt
I know marks aren't everything but I honestly can't recall the last time I felt this competitive about grades. Though I have no clue what the average of the class is or how much my classmates are exactly getting... just seeing 100% on my quizzes, assignments and lab works is making me wanna study even more. I'm really thankful to have awesome teachers who willingly share their knowledge and passion about the program. Then there's also my classmates who are just as eager about learning and continue to help each other out. It's only been 4 weeks but we've been a tight knit group. It'd be really cool to end up working with these people someday.
Now, if I could just be as eager about my new department at work. I'm officially a barista! Pretty cool coz I always wanted to have that experience but I figure I've had way too many entry-level jobs already and should really try to go further in whatever job I currently had. Now, its like the 2 worlds collide and I get both. The sucky part is the timing. The team lead is brand new to that department and has only been trained 2-4 weeks ago. She was on vacation when I started so my first shift got cancelled since no one could train me. My eventual real first shift, she was only there for half the time, so it was cut short. During that time, she was also busy actually serving so she couldn't really train me. Tomorrow's my 2nd shift and she won't even be there. Gah, I don't even feel competent enough to work the cash register plus I don't know enough about the products we serve. I hope it won't be as busy so I can actually learn from someone. Oh and even more annoying, no apron and cap and training journal was prepared for me so I had to borrow other people's stuff. I think they ran out coz our company had a cross-training event and I guess lots of people signed up for being a barista. So needless to say my hours actually became less than what it would've been if I stayed in my old department. Which really sucks since I'll have to pay my car insurance and 2nd instalment of my tuition soon. If I do get better at being a barista and my hours still don't go up, I'll totally complain about this and transfer back to my old work station.
Now, if I could just be as eager about my new department at work. I'm officially a barista! Pretty cool coz I always wanted to have that experience but I figure I've had way too many entry-level jobs already and should really try to go further in whatever job I currently had. Now, its like the 2 worlds collide and I get both. The sucky part is the timing. The team lead is brand new to that department and has only been trained 2-4 weeks ago. She was on vacation when I started so my first shift got cancelled since no one could train me. My eventual real first shift, she was only there for half the time, so it was cut short. During that time, she was also busy actually serving so she couldn't really train me. Tomorrow's my 2nd shift and she won't even be there. Gah, I don't even feel competent enough to work the cash register plus I don't know enough about the products we serve. I hope it won't be as busy so I can actually learn from someone. Oh and even more annoying, no apron and cap and training journal was prepared for me so I had to borrow other people's stuff. I think they ran out coz our company had a cross-training event and I guess lots of people signed up for being a barista. So needless to say my hours actually became less than what it would've been if I stayed in my old department. Which really sucks since I'll have to pay my car insurance and 2nd instalment of my tuition soon. If I do get better at being a barista and my hours still don't go up, I'll totally complain about this and transfer back to my old work station.
Monday, 5 May 2014
Step by step
You just can't help but feel thankful when you know that the universe is on your side. A total 180 from the previous post.
This was weeks ago but I've only manage to post it now. So, I was having one of those blue days at work. Despite receiving the best annual review, I was really down about my schedule. The supervisors kept emphasizing that the amount of shifts reflects your performance at work. So I was really confused why they say I got the highest review but basically one of the lowest amount of shift. Part of me was convincing myself that they did this coz they know I'd understand and it made it fair to those who always had fewer shifts than me. And yes, I understand the making it fair part because those who did have fewer shifts than me were not necessarily bad at their job. Its just that I was better. I also know they need the money more than I do. Plus with school starting, I really could only work one or two shifts per week so what difference does it make when they start limiting my shifts. So I kept this complaint to myself.
Well, I guess that paid off. Either they were scared of losing me or they finally realized I could move on within the company and not have to compete hours with other capable employees. I don't know why but suddenly 3 departments want to recruit me and another co-worker, who I can guess also got a really high review. I gave them my potential schedule which has more availabilities but shorter shifts. It doesn't matter for me if I get transferred or not. But wow, that feeling of suddenly being in demand and appreciated. Haven't felt that in a long time with all the negativity going on at work
And here's a little bonus. CD found the new schedule I submitted for the other departments. He took and hid them from the other supervisors. So if I don't get transferred, that's why. Insert giggly girl moment.
Another way the universe makes me feel awesome today is because today was the first day of school. Its weird being excited for it. I used to hate school and couldn't wait to graduate and just work. But this time its different because I'm studying for a career I really can't wait to have. Plus there's a real high chance of getting top marks in this class of 20 students. Having this endless possibilities is really great because it makes me look forward to many things in life. Each day that passes by reminds me of how much closer I am to reaching my goal. Not to mention, its a brand new group of people I can potentially hangout with. Hopefully there won't be any drama like with the issue of jealousy. I seriously can't think of what else about me people could be jealous of. After all, I'm so used to being the jealous one myself.
Man, I'm such in a good mood that I've gone ahead and made flashcards for my class though its not yet required. I've happily done my first homework and finished it before even getting bored of it. My lunch for tomorrow is also packed and I've even picked my outfit. Just hoping the weather coordinates and that I get a normal sleep cycle soon.
Thank you universe. But most of all, thank you God for always looking out for me.
This was weeks ago but I've only manage to post it now. So, I was having one of those blue days at work. Despite receiving the best annual review, I was really down about my schedule. The supervisors kept emphasizing that the amount of shifts reflects your performance at work. So I was really confused why they say I got the highest review but basically one of the lowest amount of shift. Part of me was convincing myself that they did this coz they know I'd understand and it made it fair to those who always had fewer shifts than me. And yes, I understand the making it fair part because those who did have fewer shifts than me were not necessarily bad at their job. Its just that I was better. I also know they need the money more than I do. Plus with school starting, I really could only work one or two shifts per week so what difference does it make when they start limiting my shifts. So I kept this complaint to myself.
Well, I guess that paid off. Either they were scared of losing me or they finally realized I could move on within the company and not have to compete hours with other capable employees. I don't know why but suddenly 3 departments want to recruit me and another co-worker, who I can guess also got a really high review. I gave them my potential schedule which has more availabilities but shorter shifts. It doesn't matter for me if I get transferred or not. But wow, that feeling of suddenly being in demand and appreciated. Haven't felt that in a long time with all the negativity going on at work
And here's a little bonus. CD found the new schedule I submitted for the other departments. He took and hid them from the other supervisors. So if I don't get transferred, that's why. Insert giggly girl moment.
Another way the universe makes me feel awesome today is because today was the first day of school. Its weird being excited for it. I used to hate school and couldn't wait to graduate and just work. But this time its different because I'm studying for a career I really can't wait to have. Plus there's a real high chance of getting top marks in this class of 20 students. Having this endless possibilities is really great because it makes me look forward to many things in life. Each day that passes by reminds me of how much closer I am to reaching my goal. Not to mention, its a brand new group of people I can potentially hangout with. Hopefully there won't be any drama like with the issue of jealousy. I seriously can't think of what else about me people could be jealous of. After all, I'm so used to being the jealous one myself.
Man, I'm such in a good mood that I've gone ahead and made flashcards for my class though its not yet required. I've happily done my first homework and finished it before even getting bored of it. My lunch for tomorrow is also packed and I've even picked my outfit. Just hoping the weather coordinates and that I get a normal sleep cycle soon.
Thank you universe. But most of all, thank you God for always looking out for me.
Saturday, 8 March 2014
Sucks being the middle man
So drama is still going on at work. It's perhaps doubled coz another set of friends are sorta drifting apart but at least this set is more mature and handle things the right way. So I know I should just butt out of this one coz I'll just be propagating the argument if I become nosey.
Anyway, CF and GF are my main concern. They still aren't talking. It's come to a point that CF doesn't wanna tolerate this bullshit anymore and is planning to give me her resignation letter to pass onto our supervisor CD. I seriously think that's one crappy way to deal with things but I do understand that sometimes it is better to just leave and give space to each other. It's really unfair though.. why does someone have to quit.. why can't our supervisors be our friends. I can just imagine HR saying "I told you so".
I guess its really a bad combination. Jealous, immature, insecure and nosey folks... all being eaten out by stress from both work and personal lives. With my own work problem, at first I thought maybe I was being mean by accepting too many leadership positions. But I've come to realize that getting what I am recognized for isn't something I should feel bad about. If my supervisors think I am more capable of handling such tasks than my co-workers then they should just be quiet or try and improve themselves instead of being envious and making me look bad. I've decided that I'll take all the shifts they think I deserve. If a promotion comes at the right time, I'll take that too. I'm no longer gonna be sorry for being better.
You know, I'm so fired up to fix friendships and prove certain co-workers to just shut up and maybe work harder before complaining about my hours that I really haven't been thinking of CD at all. I think that's a major sign that I've really gotten over him. I'm kinda surprised myself since I didn't think it'd disappear just like that. The only time his name came up was when I felt bad that he couldn't even be friends with us anymore as that would make it appear like he's choosing sides. All because of a misunderstanding between friends that got blown out of proportions coz some nosey folks keeps bringing it up and now are making all party involved feel awkward with each other. Its a good thing that I don't feel that way about him anymore, in case the nosey folks start bringing up my name too, at least I'd be confident when talking to CD that this was all in the past. Plus its one less problem for the poor guy. He maybe a great worker and leader but conflict-resolution is definitely not his thing.
Anyway, CF and GF are my main concern. They still aren't talking. It's come to a point that CF doesn't wanna tolerate this bullshit anymore and is planning to give me her resignation letter to pass onto our supervisor CD. I seriously think that's one crappy way to deal with things but I do understand that sometimes it is better to just leave and give space to each other. It's really unfair though.. why does someone have to quit.. why can't our supervisors be our friends. I can just imagine HR saying "I told you so".
I guess its really a bad combination. Jealous, immature, insecure and nosey folks... all being eaten out by stress from both work and personal lives. With my own work problem, at first I thought maybe I was being mean by accepting too many leadership positions. But I've come to realize that getting what I am recognized for isn't something I should feel bad about. If my supervisors think I am more capable of handling such tasks than my co-workers then they should just be quiet or try and improve themselves instead of being envious and making me look bad. I've decided that I'll take all the shifts they think I deserve. If a promotion comes at the right time, I'll take that too. I'm no longer gonna be sorry for being better.
You know, I'm so fired up to fix friendships and prove certain co-workers to just shut up and maybe work harder before complaining about my hours that I really haven't been thinking of CD at all. I think that's a major sign that I've really gotten over him. I'm kinda surprised myself since I didn't think it'd disappear just like that. The only time his name came up was when I felt bad that he couldn't even be friends with us anymore as that would make it appear like he's choosing sides. All because of a misunderstanding between friends that got blown out of proportions coz some nosey folks keeps bringing it up and now are making all party involved feel awkward with each other. Its a good thing that I don't feel that way about him anymore, in case the nosey folks start bringing up my name too, at least I'd be confident when talking to CD that this was all in the past. Plus its one less problem for the poor guy. He maybe a great worker and leader but conflict-resolution is definitely not his thing.
Monday, 3 March 2014
Just when you're done dealing with one problem another one comes along
All those times of going back and forth... liking him and then unliking him. Sure can drive a girl nuts. And perhaps even appear bitchy in the end. But I'd like to believe I'm really gonna make it out of this with no damage done to anyone.
Maybe it's timing with GF pointing out the whole CD and CF possibly liking each other thing. Though I talked it out with CF and its a definite no on her side. On the other hand, I do notice CD being friendlier to CF. I think he really does like her but not enough for him to jeopardize his work. Anyway, it's this kinda stuff that I needed to make me move on. I've told my best friends that I really am starting to like him less and less but I knew there was still a chance for things to rekindle. The lack of interaction was definitely the primary cause. And it sucks that its coz people are misinterpreting my friendship with him (and the other supervisors) as favoritism so its like that chance was taken away from me. But now, I really am relieved. It's finally over! Actually, I'm also kinda curious if the 2 will end up together... almost cheering them on really. He still is definitely a great guy that any girl would die to have and she is an amazing friend.
So at least that problem is done and over with. CD is officially just a dude I work with (should really rename him JD though I'm not sure why I would still talk about him over here). Now my other problem is one that happened a long time ago but I sorta just brushed it off. It kinda resurfaced after some major realization. It's this whole issue of favoritism. I so badly regret making that joke but I really do not understand how that can make people who you thought were friends turn on you. My original group of friends at work are now the ones GF hang out with. I noticed that they seemed to stop inviting me to their outtings but GF always somehow made it. I figure its because during that time he was still jealous of me and how close I was to CD so I let him have his space and vent to "our friends". But after talking to CF, she pointed out that in reality that group was also insecure of me because of the amount of hours/attention I'm getting from the supervisors. Hence GF (though probably not intentionally) and them saw me as a common threat.
It's only now that they're being friendly to me again because now they see CF as a threat for GF's sake. Although I think I still get the stink eye from a few people because I'm still friends with CF. I honestly don't care about that group anymore. Although I'm really worried for GF and CF because those 2 had such a strong friendship. There's a misunderstanding right now for sure but GF being in that group is making the misunderstanding blow out of proportions. What's more, they're making CF look like the bad guy. I'm glad I told GF that even though him and CF don't get along anymore, I'm still both their friends and will go be with both persons when needed. Its just that right now, its hard to be with GF because he's got that huge group backing him up (without even really knowing both sides of the story) whilst CF only has me. Well, there are others from the new group I hang out with (which really was GF's old group) but they are neutral just like me only they prefer to butt out.
Anywho, now I'm just really disappointed at myself and these people. The reason why I stayed in this job was to make friends more than to make money. I don't need to deal with this sorta bullshit but I don't wanna leave behind some of the real friends I've made. What really sucks is that I'm not even trying! Not trying to be the best or work hard. I just naturally am that way. I do what I'm told. I also naturally do just wanna hang out with people and it so happen that the people willing to hang out after work are the supervisors. So why the eff was I singled out to look like I'm trying to buy out my boss' affections. The reason why I'm disappointed at myself is because I still care about how these insecure people think of me. I've been trying not to stand out (according to them anyway) by turning down my supervisor's requests. I even moved out of the section where I was put in charge most of the times so that they will see I'm willing to do the same exact work as them and not just captain all the time. But even that got translated as me seeking more territory. I finally found a new section where it only requires 2 people to work. At least then no one gets jealous of that or sees that I'm captaining since its a smaller group. The most disappointing thing I don't like about this side of me is that I can't even bring it up to my supervisors. I really like all of them and do not want them to get caught in this bullshit. But how do I exactly bring this up... ohh so you know how you say I'm a really good employee, well I need to be a shitty employee now coz my fellow co-workers are complaining about the hours and attention you've been giving me. What's more is that CD is my direct supervisor. I would be talking to him about this and the last thing I need is for him to feel sorry for me.
UGHH! I wish it was March of next year already. By then I can be a certified Pharmacy Technician and hopefully be dealing with much more mature co-workers.
Maybe it's timing with GF pointing out the whole CD and CF possibly liking each other thing. Though I talked it out with CF and its a definite no on her side. On the other hand, I do notice CD being friendlier to CF. I think he really does like her but not enough for him to jeopardize his work. Anyway, it's this kinda stuff that I needed to make me move on. I've told my best friends that I really am starting to like him less and less but I knew there was still a chance for things to rekindle. The lack of interaction was definitely the primary cause. And it sucks that its coz people are misinterpreting my friendship with him (and the other supervisors) as favoritism so its like that chance was taken away from me. But now, I really am relieved. It's finally over! Actually, I'm also kinda curious if the 2 will end up together... almost cheering them on really. He still is definitely a great guy that any girl would die to have and she is an amazing friend.
So at least that problem is done and over with. CD is officially just a dude I work with (should really rename him JD though I'm not sure why I would still talk about him over here). Now my other problem is one that happened a long time ago but I sorta just brushed it off. It kinda resurfaced after some major realization. It's this whole issue of favoritism. I so badly regret making that joke but I really do not understand how that can make people who you thought were friends turn on you. My original group of friends at work are now the ones GF hang out with. I noticed that they seemed to stop inviting me to their outtings but GF always somehow made it. I figure its because during that time he was still jealous of me and how close I was to CD so I let him have his space and vent to "our friends". But after talking to CF, she pointed out that in reality that group was also insecure of me because of the amount of hours/attention I'm getting from the supervisors. Hence GF (though probably not intentionally) and them saw me as a common threat.
It's only now that they're being friendly to me again because now they see CF as a threat for GF's sake. Although I think I still get the stink eye from a few people because I'm still friends with CF. I honestly don't care about that group anymore. Although I'm really worried for GF and CF because those 2 had such a strong friendship. There's a misunderstanding right now for sure but GF being in that group is making the misunderstanding blow out of proportions. What's more, they're making CF look like the bad guy. I'm glad I told GF that even though him and CF don't get along anymore, I'm still both their friends and will go be with both persons when needed. Its just that right now, its hard to be with GF because he's got that huge group backing him up (without even really knowing both sides of the story) whilst CF only has me. Well, there are others from the new group I hang out with (which really was GF's old group) but they are neutral just like me only they prefer to butt out.
Anywho, now I'm just really disappointed at myself and these people. The reason why I stayed in this job was to make friends more than to make money. I don't need to deal with this sorta bullshit but I don't wanna leave behind some of the real friends I've made. What really sucks is that I'm not even trying! Not trying to be the best or work hard. I just naturally am that way. I do what I'm told. I also naturally do just wanna hang out with people and it so happen that the people willing to hang out after work are the supervisors. So why the eff was I singled out to look like I'm trying to buy out my boss' affections. The reason why I'm disappointed at myself is because I still care about how these insecure people think of me. I've been trying not to stand out (according to them anyway) by turning down my supervisor's requests. I even moved out of the section where I was put in charge most of the times so that they will see I'm willing to do the same exact work as them and not just captain all the time. But even that got translated as me seeking more territory. I finally found a new section where it only requires 2 people to work. At least then no one gets jealous of that or sees that I'm captaining since its a smaller group. The most disappointing thing I don't like about this side of me is that I can't even bring it up to my supervisors. I really like all of them and do not want them to get caught in this bullshit. But how do I exactly bring this up... ohh so you know how you say I'm a really good employee, well I need to be a shitty employee now coz my fellow co-workers are complaining about the hours and attention you've been giving me. What's more is that CD is my direct supervisor. I would be talking to him about this and the last thing I need is for him to feel sorry for me.
UGHH! I wish it was March of next year already. By then I can be a certified Pharmacy Technician and hopefully be dealing with much more mature co-workers.
Sunday, 23 February 2014
Tearfest
I don't know if its just me or if I'm just being too girly sometimes but I do have a tendency to just want to cry for no apparent reason. I don't mean like a baby throwing tantrums. I'd like to think its more of a therapeutic process. I think it happens once I've dealt with too much emotion and I'm done processing it so now it's like I need a major stress release. Although I do remember reading somewhere that tears make our body produce more endorphins thus having that "happier" after-effect.
Depending on my mood I can watch dramas endlessly until I've cried all I can. Sometimes I sing till my throat hurts. Other times I just cuddle a pillow under my duvet and listen to really sad songs until I fall asleep. Lately though, all this blogging is becoming a great emotional outlet. I've also started writing on journals again (by journals I mean word document) and I almost immediately always write something as soon as my emotions get extreme. I think it helps me process my feelings and makes my tendency to over-think look stupid. It's actually pretty funny reading most of them again.
One of the most recent emotional rollercoaster ride is when GF pointed out something that irked him about the party a couple of Sundays ago. During that party CD got a little drunk; probably coz he didn't get enough sleep so it hit him a little faster than usual. There was of course photo sessions during the party and one of which our female common friend (hence forth called CF) asked to have a picture with CD. CD doesn't really like photo sessions that much but this time he agreed then jokingly leaned his head on CF's shoulders. After one shot, I think he realized what he's done so he covered his face and started moving around a lot so it was harder to take a picture. According to GF that's when he noticed that CF and CD may like each other and more so on the guy side. Of course GF is really torn because he is really close with CF.
When this was pointed out I wasn't really bothered but it definitely affected me. I began being more suspicious of both CF and CD. I know CF likes to be extra friendly with CD to tease GF and perhaps even test me on how I will react. For instance, I was actually really surprised that CD agreed to go watch a movie with me and CF. I just worked a shift, had a breakfast party and shopping with him and other co-workers so I was pretty sure he'd say no out of exhaustion. But there was no "maybe" it was a straight up "sure". I was gonna use the opportunity to observe how the 2 acts during the movie; even if it meant I might be a third wheel. However, CF cancelled because she wasn't able to fall asleep. I asked if she already told CD and she replied she did and that also he just slept a few hours ago. That's when I started having my emotional panic. How the hell does she know what time he slept... have they been texting the whole time. All these scenario started popping in my head.
I haven't seen CF since then but I know things between us are still the same. I definitely don't blame her if she does fall for him and him for her. She's a great friend like I mentioned before. However with CD, I worked one shift with him since the failed movie plan and I really felt like he's been avoiding me for some reason. He hasn't been smiling as much either. The latter half of the shift, I also started avoiding him.. not even making eye contact. Sounds childish I know but also I felt like he totally just forgot about me when he didn't call me for break. Basically, I know he's not angry at me but I just don't make a bleep in his radar either. According to another team leader he had an inkling that I didn't hear the break announcement but I guess that wasn't enough for him to confirm if I really did. Ohhh and guess what? I've been re-aligned to be under his team. He is now my direct supervisor. What great timing huh?
I'll really need to cry all these out pretty soon or I might just snap at the wrong person here.
Depending on my mood I can watch dramas endlessly until I've cried all I can. Sometimes I sing till my throat hurts. Other times I just cuddle a pillow under my duvet and listen to really sad songs until I fall asleep. Lately though, all this blogging is becoming a great emotional outlet. I've also started writing on journals again (by journals I mean word document) and I almost immediately always write something as soon as my emotions get extreme. I think it helps me process my feelings and makes my tendency to over-think look stupid. It's actually pretty funny reading most of them again.
One of the most recent emotional rollercoaster ride is when GF pointed out something that irked him about the party a couple of Sundays ago. During that party CD got a little drunk; probably coz he didn't get enough sleep so it hit him a little faster than usual. There was of course photo sessions during the party and one of which our female common friend (hence forth called CF) asked to have a picture with CD. CD doesn't really like photo sessions that much but this time he agreed then jokingly leaned his head on CF's shoulders. After one shot, I think he realized what he's done so he covered his face and started moving around a lot so it was harder to take a picture. According to GF that's when he noticed that CF and CD may like each other and more so on the guy side. Of course GF is really torn because he is really close with CF.
When this was pointed out I wasn't really bothered but it definitely affected me. I began being more suspicious of both CF and CD. I know CF likes to be extra friendly with CD to tease GF and perhaps even test me on how I will react. For instance, I was actually really surprised that CD agreed to go watch a movie with me and CF. I just worked a shift, had a breakfast party and shopping with him and other co-workers so I was pretty sure he'd say no out of exhaustion. But there was no "maybe" it was a straight up "sure". I was gonna use the opportunity to observe how the 2 acts during the movie; even if it meant I might be a third wheel. However, CF cancelled because she wasn't able to fall asleep. I asked if she already told CD and she replied she did and that also he just slept a few hours ago. That's when I started having my emotional panic. How the hell does she know what time he slept... have they been texting the whole time. All these scenario started popping in my head.
I haven't seen CF since then but I know things between us are still the same. I definitely don't blame her if she does fall for him and him for her. She's a great friend like I mentioned before. However with CD, I worked one shift with him since the failed movie plan and I really felt like he's been avoiding me for some reason. He hasn't been smiling as much either. The latter half of the shift, I also started avoiding him.. not even making eye contact. Sounds childish I know but also I felt like he totally just forgot about me when he didn't call me for break. Basically, I know he's not angry at me but I just don't make a bleep in his radar either. According to another team leader he had an inkling that I didn't hear the break announcement but I guess that wasn't enough for him to confirm if I really did. Ohhh and guess what? I've been re-aligned to be under his team. He is now my direct supervisor. What great timing huh?
I'll really need to cry all these out pretty soon or I might just snap at the wrong person here.
Friday, 7 February 2014
Thanks for the blessings
WHAT A GREAT WEEK!!
Thank you Lord so much for the many blessings you have showered me, especially this week alone.
First is the birth of my nephew. Minion #3 has arrived and is healthy, happy and handsome as all babies should be. My sister-in-law is recovering well, my brother seems to be adjusting better with having another newborn and my niece is doing a great job of being a big sister. I'm super happy for my family for this new lovely addition. I can't wait to see the little guy again and spend some quality auntie-nephew time.. which really just means he sleeps while I watch and play with his little piggy toes.
Second is my shopping date with my best friend today. It wasn't the full day shopping we're used to but not bad. Managed to get a pair of good material denim for $10. Best part? I'm down 3 pant sizes since I left for Korea!! Its a little snug but I know I gained a pound or 2 due to lack of shifts at work recently but once that's over, I can lose those pounds again. Plus I needed pants. I only have 2 pairs left that fit, everything else got too big.
Third is still on the making. A birthday party for our co-worker is happening this weekend. Originally CD couldn't make it coz he ended up getting a shift that night. I actually managed to not be sad about this so that alone is a feat. But when I found out he's been trying to get that shift cancelled, I actually got super happy. And the manner/timing of how I found out kinda makes it special... like its a sign. An even higher and newer supervisor had called me in the office but before he could tell me about what, CD called in. They were on speaker phone so I recognized his voice. The higher supervisor jokingly asked why he was so bent on getting this shift off. Right then and there, said shift was cancelled and now I know CD will be at the party for sure. It's like the universe just wanted me to be there front and center to see it all unfold. However, the sad part is that we're expecting a snowstorm to hit on the same day. So its very likely that the party will be cancelled. If there's to be another blessing, a light layer of snow would be great so we can take group pics outside but still good weather condition for driving. Or just no snow at all. Especially since I'm probably gonna be designated driver again.
3.5th blessing is the reason I got called in the office. They wanted to give me an extra shift next week. Of course I accepted it and then the higher supervisor joked that he actually already entered my schedule before I even confirmed. It can only mean he already recognizes my abilities despite only working with him 3-5 times since he got to our department. Ohhh and CD happens to be working during that same shift. So that's like a bonus right there.
Fourth, as of like an hour ago (considering its around 5AM and my sleep cycle is messed up), I just got my acceptance letter to the program I applied for back in 2012. It had such a long ass wait list due to its low requirements but high outcomes. This program pretty much is the first step to the career I've decided on; the first step to the life I've pictured myself to have. It's part of the 5 year plan and I seriously don't have any more back ups after this one. I can't and won't screw it up because I've narrowed down my career choices to being a counsellor/teacher or pharmacist. I've already tried the first and just know I will definitely get burned out easily despite my passion for helping others out. So now, I get to do science-cy stuff which was pretty fun back in high school. I'm pretty damn excited but classes won't start till May. I've already got ideas running in my head on how I'm gonna balance out work with school; especially if there's gonna be room for promotions. But I gotta remember not to let it get to me. Never expect a promotion until its been said and signed.
Fifth, who knows? Might actually be during the party itself. Hehe! Anyway, I'm just super duper happy and can't stop smiling. Seems like small stuff to most people but I've always been the simple type of person and small things like these mean way more to me. Plus, its good to always thank the Lord!
Thank you Lord so much for the many blessings you have showered me, especially this week alone.
First is the birth of my nephew. Minion #3 has arrived and is healthy, happy and handsome as all babies should be. My sister-in-law is recovering well, my brother seems to be adjusting better with having another newborn and my niece is doing a great job of being a big sister. I'm super happy for my family for this new lovely addition. I can't wait to see the little guy again and spend some quality auntie-nephew time.. which really just means he sleeps while I watch and play with his little piggy toes.
Second is my shopping date with my best friend today. It wasn't the full day shopping we're used to but not bad. Managed to get a pair of good material denim for $10. Best part? I'm down 3 pant sizes since I left for Korea!! Its a little snug but I know I gained a pound or 2 due to lack of shifts at work recently but once that's over, I can lose those pounds again. Plus I needed pants. I only have 2 pairs left that fit, everything else got too big.
Third is still on the making. A birthday party for our co-worker is happening this weekend. Originally CD couldn't make it coz he ended up getting a shift that night. I actually managed to not be sad about this so that alone is a feat. But when I found out he's been trying to get that shift cancelled, I actually got super happy. And the manner/timing of how I found out kinda makes it special... like its a sign. An even higher and newer supervisor had called me in the office but before he could tell me about what, CD called in. They were on speaker phone so I recognized his voice. The higher supervisor jokingly asked why he was so bent on getting this shift off. Right then and there, said shift was cancelled and now I know CD will be at the party for sure. It's like the universe just wanted me to be there front and center to see it all unfold. However, the sad part is that we're expecting a snowstorm to hit on the same day. So its very likely that the party will be cancelled. If there's to be another blessing, a light layer of snow would be great so we can take group pics outside but still good weather condition for driving. Or just no snow at all. Especially since I'm probably gonna be designated driver again.
3.5th blessing is the reason I got called in the office. They wanted to give me an extra shift next week. Of course I accepted it and then the higher supervisor joked that he actually already entered my schedule before I even confirmed. It can only mean he already recognizes my abilities despite only working with him 3-5 times since he got to our department. Ohhh and CD happens to be working during that same shift. So that's like a bonus right there.
Fourth, as of like an hour ago (considering its around 5AM and my sleep cycle is messed up), I just got my acceptance letter to the program I applied for back in 2012. It had such a long ass wait list due to its low requirements but high outcomes. This program pretty much is the first step to the career I've decided on; the first step to the life I've pictured myself to have. It's part of the 5 year plan and I seriously don't have any more back ups after this one. I can't and won't screw it up because I've narrowed down my career choices to being a counsellor/teacher or pharmacist. I've already tried the first and just know I will definitely get burned out easily despite my passion for helping others out. So now, I get to do science-cy stuff which was pretty fun back in high school. I'm pretty damn excited but classes won't start till May. I've already got ideas running in my head on how I'm gonna balance out work with school; especially if there's gonna be room for promotions. But I gotta remember not to let it get to me. Never expect a promotion until its been said and signed.
Fifth, who knows? Might actually be during the party itself. Hehe! Anyway, I'm just super duper happy and can't stop smiling. Seems like small stuff to most people but I've always been the simple type of person and small things like these mean way more to me. Plus, its good to always thank the Lord!
Thursday, 23 January 2014
All we need is a friend
Sometimes all we need is a good friend who's willing to listen to your crap and be on your side no matter what. I'm so glad that I have this kind of person in my life. Several, in fact, but like any other friendship different paths in life causes less communication. I don't blame us or our life choices. I'm just glad that during this time when my best friends feel a little distant, I have suddenly have another person I can rely on, especially at work.
It's kinda unexpected really. She's a nice person and really funny and easy to get along with but I never really saw us being close. We have more in common I guess in that we both love to tease and joke around but when it gets to serious stuff we're there for others more often than not. This is the same co-worker who was the first to notice when I had that really bad day. She looked for me the whole shift and then whenever she found me, she would repeatedly ask if I was okay. Then at the end of the shift, she texted me to see if I was fine. I've never met a person who's very caring as her when I never really thought we were that close.
Today we got paired to work on several projects and its probably my favorite shift of all time. We chatted a lot but we didn't get scolded because we were still faster than everyone. It helps that she already knows I like CD and we got to talk about him a lot. But what really made me happy was when she told me her thoughts about that person who complained about my getting more shifts. It still bothers me and I wanna know who but she managed to boost my confidence with simple words. We were actually talking about promotions and she wondered why I didn't apply yet. I said that I didn't want to unless they approached me because I don't want that jealous co-worker to think I'm being superior/snobbish again talking about promotions. She just paused there and then and started saying something like this:
What does that person care. If she/he can't perform at your level, he/she has no right to complain. And really at the end of it all, when everyone doesn't know what to do who do they go to but you. You're practically team lead by default.
So I really just beamed up when I realized that there are people who recognize my ability. And hearing this from another capable person just made me feel better. I'm 100% enjoying my job again. I won't let that jealous co-worker get inside my head any more. I'll just work my well deserved shifts and continue appreciating friends like this girl.
It's kinda unexpected really. She's a nice person and really funny and easy to get along with but I never really saw us being close. We have more in common I guess in that we both love to tease and joke around but when it gets to serious stuff we're there for others more often than not. This is the same co-worker who was the first to notice when I had that really bad day. She looked for me the whole shift and then whenever she found me, she would repeatedly ask if I was okay. Then at the end of the shift, she texted me to see if I was fine. I've never met a person who's very caring as her when I never really thought we were that close.
Today we got paired to work on several projects and its probably my favorite shift of all time. We chatted a lot but we didn't get scolded because we were still faster than everyone. It helps that she already knows I like CD and we got to talk about him a lot. But what really made me happy was when she told me her thoughts about that person who complained about my getting more shifts. It still bothers me and I wanna know who but she managed to boost my confidence with simple words. We were actually talking about promotions and she wondered why I didn't apply yet. I said that I didn't want to unless they approached me because I don't want that jealous co-worker to think I'm being superior/snobbish again talking about promotions. She just paused there and then and started saying something like this:
What does that person care. If she/he can't perform at your level, he/she has no right to complain. And really at the end of it all, when everyone doesn't know what to do who do they go to but you. You're practically team lead by default.
So I really just beamed up when I realized that there are people who recognize my ability. And hearing this from another capable person just made me feel better. I'm 100% enjoying my job again. I won't let that jealous co-worker get inside my head any more. I'll just work my well deserved shifts and continue appreciating friends like this girl.
Monday, 20 January 2014
What to do, what to do
The more I tell myself I don't like him, the more I find myself trying to stare at him. Its seriously confusing.
I know I really miss hanging out with him after work but its pretty much impossible now coz of 1) his higher position and 2) jealous co-worker making more complaints. So I'm trying not to miss him by acting strictly as co-workers. But I think its backfiring. Less interaction with him makes me anticipate him more. I also end up talking about him more to others. It's a lot like someone going on a diet; the more they avoid the food they're trying to give up, the more they crave it.
I think my hopes went up again with the possibility of a promotion. Not only would we be the same level (and dating would be allowed), we'd have more reason to hang out now. At least it'd be fair game for me to decide if I still like him then. Anyway, my best friend who is a supervisor in a different department told me that several other supervisors like me and my own direct ones have recommended me. Although there is no current spot that's open, I can see it opening up some time in May/August for the back-to-school madness. However, it's possible that I'd also start school then. I'm not quite sure if I can handle full time school and work. Especially since this program is intensive with 1.5 years worth of schooling crammed in 30 weeks. But at the same time, 10 of those 30 weeks are meant for practicum so no test/homework... meaning just 20 weeks of no real sleep.
It would be awesome to be promoted but I've long gone gave up on it because I seriously thought I was just gonna quit once school starts. But after all this, I feel like I still want to get to know CD. So if I am staying and really want to get to know him some more, promotion is the only way to go. This would really get rid of those problems I mentioned above since 1) we'd be same positions and 2) be jealous if they want, I'm their supervisor now and my hours are fixed so they can't complain.
Still doesn't answer if I should continue liking him. Bah! I almost wanna leave it to fate. Its like, if I get promoted then I go ahead proceed liking him. If I don't, hasta la vista and move on.
I know I really miss hanging out with him after work but its pretty much impossible now coz of 1) his higher position and 2) jealous co-worker making more complaints. So I'm trying not to miss him by acting strictly as co-workers. But I think its backfiring. Less interaction with him makes me anticipate him more. I also end up talking about him more to others. It's a lot like someone going on a diet; the more they avoid the food they're trying to give up, the more they crave it.
I think my hopes went up again with the possibility of a promotion. Not only would we be the same level (and dating would be allowed), we'd have more reason to hang out now. At least it'd be fair game for me to decide if I still like him then. Anyway, my best friend who is a supervisor in a different department told me that several other supervisors like me and my own direct ones have recommended me. Although there is no current spot that's open, I can see it opening up some time in May/August for the back-to-school madness. However, it's possible that I'd also start school then. I'm not quite sure if I can handle full time school and work. Especially since this program is intensive with 1.5 years worth of schooling crammed in 30 weeks. But at the same time, 10 of those 30 weeks are meant for practicum so no test/homework... meaning just 20 weeks of no real sleep.
It would be awesome to be promoted but I've long gone gave up on it because I seriously thought I was just gonna quit once school starts. But after all this, I feel like I still want to get to know CD. So if I am staying and really want to get to know him some more, promotion is the only way to go. This would really get rid of those problems I mentioned above since 1) we'd be same positions and 2) be jealous if they want, I'm their supervisor now and my hours are fixed so they can't complain.
Still doesn't answer if I should continue liking him. Bah! I almost wanna leave it to fate. Its like, if I get promoted then I go ahead proceed liking him. If I don't, hasta la vista and move on.
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