Them Signs Be Back

I've already accepted that I tend to interpret a lot of things that happen to me as signs. Just read my old posts here. But sometimes you really can't just help but wonder why fate is toying with you. Its like when you're finally able to stop thinking of someone every dang second, they suddenly show up again.

So on Sunday my mom wanted to have sushi for dinner. We went to pick it up at our usual restaurant. I stayed in the car while my mom grabbed the food. And in that 10 minute window, CD just happens to drive into the parking lot. I'm not sure if he realized I was there but I decided to just stay in my car and let it be. I tried ignoring it and definitely wasn't gonna make any interpretations like I used to.

Then on the same day I saw this post about people getting married at the place where they first met... and that featured couple on the article happen to meet at the same company where CD and I met. I also just had to watch this sad TV show where this guy and girl had been very good friends since they were kids. They both couldn't open up about how they felt for each other. Eventually time has passed and each found their own spouse. All those years they still haven't lost their love for each other. Even though they remained faithful with their own respective spouses until the death of said spouses. 55 years later they reconnected and finally got things right.

Now, I can't help but wonder again. What if its not over? What if there's more?

Monica Oh Monica

Ok so I may have come up with a slightly odd solution to undo this LB situation. That is to let myself like CD again. Errr.... I guess to be honest those 2 ideas kinda just lined up since I may actually just be liking CD again. I know, its nuts!! He does drive me nuts. The little things he do sure leaves big impressions on me.

Remember that list I made of trying to figure out if he could like me or not. Well that's like starting over again. Its just are they signals or my imagination? I'll name a few that has happened since I re-joined the department.

1.) He's been teasing me a lot and kept saying my name as if I was getting in trouble but that's just his way of telling me what tasks to do. And damn, as soon as I walk away after receiving instructions from him, I can't help but smile. (Hence the title of this post)
2.) When I'm trying my best not to look at him because #1 I don't want it to be obvious that I'm aware of his presence and #2 so that I look like I'm 100% focused on my job; that's like when he randomly helps me out with whatever I'm working on. Its like he knows that's when I'm the most vulnerable to his effects.
3.) The small conversation he initiates. Yes, him. This goes in part with #2 where I'm trying my best to sorta ignore him (i.e. play it cool). Then outta nowhere he'd work beside me and make small talks. FYI, he's a pretty private kinda person so small talks are kinda rare with him.

There's more obviously but I'm leaving this at that. I'm really just enjoying things being back to the way they were before the drama. Maybe coz the lead causes of the drama ain't there. But at this point, I don't see myself having a full on 100% crush on CD again. Like I said before, when we leave the company, I really feel like we'll never see each other anyway. So it would take a whole lot of universe ploy for us to ever come meet again after work.

What to do, what to do

The more I tell myself I don't like him, the more I find myself trying to stare at him. Its seriously confusing.

I know I really miss hanging out with him after work but its pretty much impossible now coz of 1) his higher position and 2) jealous co-worker making more complaints. So I'm trying not to miss him by acting strictly as co-workers. But I think its backfiring. Less interaction with him makes me anticipate him more. I also end up talking about him more to others. It's a lot like someone going on a diet; the more they avoid the food they're trying to give up, the more they crave it.

I think my hopes went up again with the possibility of a promotion. Not only would we be the same level (and dating would be allowed), we'd have more reason to hang out now. At least it'd be fair game for me to decide if I still like him then. Anyway, my best friend who is a supervisor in a different department told me that several other supervisors like me and my own direct ones have recommended me. Although there is no current spot that's open, I can see it opening up some time in May/August for the back-to-school madness. However, it's possible that I'd also start school then. I'm not quite sure if I can handle full time school and work. Especially since this program is intensive with 1.5 years worth of schooling crammed in 30 weeks. But at the same time, 10 of those 30 weeks are meant for practicum so no test/homework... meaning just 20 weeks of no real sleep.

It would be awesome to be promoted but I've long gone gave up on it because I seriously thought I was just gonna quit once school starts. But after all this, I feel like I still want to get to know CD. So if I am staying and really want to get to know him some more, promotion is the only way to go. This would really get rid of those problems I mentioned above since 1) we'd be same positions and 2) be jealous if they want, I'm their supervisor now and my hours are fixed so they can't complain.

Still doesn't answer if I should continue liking him. Bah! I almost wanna leave it to fate. Its like, if I get promoted then I go ahead proceed liking him. If I don't, hasta la vista and move on.