3 Months Later

Fast forward to 2016!

The perpetual moving out:

I'm forever going back and forth between mom's and my new place. Partly because I'm not done decided how to set up my closet and even decorate my walls. So most of my stuff are still sitting at my mom's place. Its been great though choosing furniture and building it.. making themes here and there.

The overstretched wallet:

Of course with the holidays my budget definitely got stretched. Mortgage, furniture plus gifts for my family and friends. But I somehow made it. My only struggle is that I'm going on vacay next month and I might have to dip into my savings. I'm really torn about having to do that but I'm finally having a real vacation. As in going to another place I haven't gone to. After all, I'm always going to the homeland and eating the same food and going to the same place. Its great that I get to fly over there but I've always wanted to be on actual vacation.

Exam be gone:

I passed my last licensing exam! Hallelujah. The Lord provides. Now I can apply for a full-time position or another casual position. In fact, I've decided to quit my 2nd job which isn't related to my career. It helped paid some of the bills and I've added a new reference for my updated resume but I knew it wasn't a forever kind of thing. But these are things I don't wanna fuss about until my vacation is over.

Conclusion for 2015:

Its been full of trials (like the literal sense) but it was all worth it, knowing where I am now and how blessed I feel. I trust God has better plans for me for 2016 and I can't wait to see them unfold.

The Calm Before Shit Hits The Fan

Sooooooo I'm slightly doing better compared to last week. I've done around $600 worth of damage. Surprisingly on things I actually do need and not just on recklessly must have now. I think it helped that I finally found out the completion date for my new condo. Woohoo! Something good to look forward to. That oughta keep me distracted till November. I just hope that my shifts increase from now on so that I can pay for this new responsibility. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to do careless spending anymore. Every price tag will now incur a good 5 minute or more thought process.

I'm so excited but also scared.

But most of all. I'm thankful because I know God provides for His children. =)

F

I just did my last portion for my licensing exam.

Annndddd I wanna kill myself.

I'm hella depressed and probably would be until those results get released on November.

You know what the sad part is though. Its not the lack of content that I studied. Coz honestly, I couldn't even think of what else I would study if I have to re-take it. Its my damn nerves.

I've done exams before where I'm a wreck but at least those are written exams and I get a good 5-10 minutes to calm myself. Whereas this exam is more practical and interactive and I've got more than 2 sets of eyes staring at me while I do my best to answer questions.

There were breaks in between stations but I used that to either pray or bang my head when no one's looking.

What would be sadder if I failed this is that I found out one of my classmates passed it and she was nearly failing in school back then.

So tomorrow, I might just go pig out and shop like crazy with my best friends to calm myself down and forget this nightmare.

What's done is done.

From Super Busy to Super Bored

May has been such a whack of a month. Busy with work that had covered various shifts and then a few other obligations here and there. I am so damn pooped. But then I realized once Sunday hits... I'll be super bored. I have to figure out what to do then so that I don't end up at home all day stuffing myself with whatever food I can scrounge up.

I at least some what have plans for June with a couple of friends. Although that also means major spendage. We're staying for a weekend over in Seattle. A much need girls weekend vacation. It sucks though coz its either I'm bored and getting fat or I'm having fun and getting poor. Le sigh!

Speaking of spendage, its application time for licensing exam #3. Bye bye $900. I hope I only have to pay you once. Glad I passed the first two exams on my first try but at least those two didn't cost as much.

That Was Unexpected

So, still no definite answer with my financial advisor. But for some reason I'm not all too panicky about it. I figure, if its meant to be then great... if its not then at least I know I'm just not ready to shell out for my own mortgage.

One thing that did happen that was out of the blue was a letter I got from my college. Apparently I've been selected to receive a scholarship. At first I was confused because I'm done school and I haven't applied for any scholarship. I also felt someone else could use it for a better cause. Maybe pay their student loan since mine is done. But then I realized I still do have this expensive exam coming in September and if I do end up being approved for mortgage, I most definitely can use any extra money coming my way.

I'm a little uncomfortable though about this award ceremony as it is kinda random. Its not officially a graduation ceremony. I don't think I'll even be seeing my classmates there. I'm not even sure if my family and friends should come out for this event. Its 1.5 hour event right in the middle of a working day. But at the same time, its a little bit sad knowing that I'm going by myself.

I also googled the award itself. Its apparently based on academic and personal achievement which is decided by the Dean. I've never met the Dean though so its either I was selected by my teachers or I got the highest marks in class. Either way, I am super thankful for this provision God has given me. I can remember having to apply for scholarships when I was high school and cry coz I felt that my GPA was never good enough. But now when I haven't even asked for it, God just gave it to me. Thank you, Lord.

What I Could/Should Be Doing By Now

1.) Clean my room. After the hellish 2 months of exams and a bajillion pages of notes spread out every where in my room... I most definitely need to clean up. Not to mention clean and dirty clothes are starting to merge into one pile. I really don't understand how this is happening considering I pretty much just wear scrubs for work and haven't gone to lots of events that require that much dressing up. Last but not the least all them mails that keep coming through but am too lazy to shred. Maybe coz the shredder broke.

2.) Buy a new shredder.

3.) Catch up with friends whom I've shooed due to said exams. It was hard enough scheduling any time with these wonderful people.

4.) Exercise... due to said exams... again. Damn when I go hermit mode coz of studying I really don't hold back on food and caffeine. I'm sure I gained 5 lbs just from studying and not to mention that 15 lbs from going back to school. Its so sad that I don't have my overnight job anymore that helped lose 15 lbs before.

5.) Look for a potential second job. Honestly at this point, I don't care what it is and how much I'll make... I just need another job to keep me distracted and also maybe meet new people.

So why am I not doing any of these? Coz its my lazy week... I might even extend it another week. I know I hella deserve it. I'm watching all my animes/dramas/TV shows and reading my mangas like its my last day on earth. I'm also still adjusting to the idea of not being with my overnight team, despite my ups and downs with em. And the bestest excuse ever... got lots of time on my hands now. I promise to be responsible some other time.

5 Minute Distraction Please

What a great week its been.

1.) We found out on Monday that my best friend passed her nursing exam on her first try.
2.) She had an interview on Tuesday at the same hospital where I work.
3.) She got hired today!!
4.) I passed my jurisprudence exam. (1 down, 2 to go).

Now to fret over the next exams. I seriously have no clue how to study for it. There's really no guidelines unlike the jurisprudence. I feel like I'm just blindly studying whatever I can... and part of me is saying that the stuff I'm reviewing is unlikely gonna be on the test. Then a major chunk of it is calculations. See, I never understood how you study for math. Because for me, its either you get it or you don't. There's no practicing for it because you don't really memorize it but rather know how to apply it. The formulas are pretty much always given... you just input the values to do your calculation. I guess that's sorta the disadvantage of being a math person.

I know I'll be panicking on the day of the exam, telling myself I should've studied more. But it really sucks when you don't know what to study. I did try the sample test before studying and it was still a B-. So I think the trick really is just to carefully read the questions. But its driving me nuts because now that I have time to prepare for this test, I know I'm not utilizing it wisely. I mean hello... I am blogging right now for pete's sake.

Its not like that anymore

Aside from officially starting my career, December has been an awesome month. I am also back with my overnight team. This time a little smarter and avoiding drama when I can. That being said, I am no longer infatuated with CD but I do get curious once in  a while. I often think what if so and so happened this way, how would things be. Its kinda weird because I feel like I won't be able to move on without figuring out the answer, whether I like the outcome or not. But its probably more because I really don't wanna feel confused like that again and not so much because of CD himself.

A lot of people are curious as to when I'll be introducing someone to them. I know they mean well but its not like its my choice for how things are the way they are. So instead of going nuts over this, I'll just deal with what I know I can... which at the moment is making myself financially independent. I figure by the time he comes along, there's one less problem for us to fight about.

So here's to a brand new year. 2015 was the year I always felt many changes are bound to happen (see 5 year plan of 2013). Though I guess career hunting came sooner than expected. Anyway, here's the new 5 year plan of 2015.

2015: move out; licensing exams
2016: hermit mode
2017: travel
2018: engagement?
2019: marriage? (yeah kinda aiming high here lol)

The hype is over

Starting to feel burned out... like I've learned all that I can (at least the theoretical components). At the same time scared that I'm getting thrown out towards the real world very soon. Just 4 more days of classes and 6 more days of exam to be exact. Brain can't really handle any more information. Body isn't feeling like doing stupid last minute homework that could've been given to us 2-4 weeks ago when we were doing nothing.

Realizing I've got at least 1 more year to be fully licensed. Adding up the cost of each licensing exam and special training. Hoping against odds that I can make up for that cost and risking it all for a chance just to be "casual".

Ugh! My head hurts from going back and forth telling myself: you're almost there but at the same time am I really ever gonna get there.

2015 is going to be an expensive and trying year for sure. So I guess I'll look forward to 2016 instead.

[[Update: Sept 26, 2014]]
So my lab demonstrator just told me a couple of days ago that I got the highest mark so far on our error checking exercise. Then the next day she told me that my preceptor for my practicum emailed her to tell her how impressed she (the preceptor) was by me. My lab demonstrator basically just gave a really good reference about me and my preceptor practically told my lab demonstrator that she wants to hire me, even though we've only chatted on the phone.

God is good! I really need this job and hope that its everything I hope it to be.

Opt-shuns

Its still months away, 5 months to be exact, but I'm really worried about it. What should I do?

I'll be graduating at that time and I know I won't be getting the career I want right away. I still have my licensing exams to do after all. But that's all right, it works out because that gives me enough time to save up money since I've been working less hours due to school. My goal is to earn as much as I can with my current job but also work at a pharmacy to keep my skills sharp. In order to do this, I'll have to move back to my old department since they work overnights. Then I can work day shifts at the pharmacy. However, I heard that they are dissolving the old department after the holidays which is pretty much when I'm planning to start.

So my troubles are I'll have to be working 2 day shift jobs instead. I find this to be more exhausting and its harder to please each job schedule-wise. The fact that my current day job doesn't have guaranteed hours is also a problem. I'd like to have one job with guaranteed hours and the only way to get guaranteed hours (in my current company) is to be a full time team lead. Which isn't so bad, that's 40 hours a week of higher pay! I wouldn't mind volunteering at a pharmacy instead to keep my skills in practice. At least with volunteering, I can go do it when I want... yay for lazy days. Now the problem with this whole plan is that how am I supposed to get promoted when obviously the company is going through budget cuts if they're willing to dissolve a team.

Ughh!! I know.

You're probably asking why I bother staying at this company. Its really because I don't have long term plans for these jobs so why start over with a brand new company when I'm leaving in less than a year. At least within my current company, I already have a great reputation. I have a better chance of getting what I want with them than having to start over at a brand new company. Of course this is all assuming I pass my licensing exams next year. After which I'm really hoping I get my career started already. Otherwise I may have to stay longer at my current company.

I have to admit though. The thought of being promoted and getting back at a certain co-worker does sound amusing. I wouldn't be mean to her of course but I can at least rub it in her face especially after hearing that:

1.) she voiced her opinion about being a team lead but still hasn't gotten it yet

2.) the friends that she turned on me has now finally seen her true colors and have turned on her