One more month till practicum. Then glorious 2 months of being stress-free from work. Although I'm probably gonna be stressed on practicum too... and not getting paid for it for that matter. So I'm not sure if I should be happy about that. But I do know that at least I'll be learning a lot from it plus it'll help me get the career I want.
Work has been very frustrating lately. You'd think we'd get more hours since its back to school already and the holidays are next. I'm not saying I want more shifts... but I do want someone to work with me!! I hate having to serve customers by myself for 3-4 hours then cleaning up by myself too. The only hours that I see going up is towards other departments but I'm sure in terms of efficiency, our department is the most efficient. They should calculate the total sales of each department per number of staff.
I'm glad my old department supervisor is already asking for me to come back. Sadly I do have to go on leave for my practicum but its really good to know I don't have to return to my current department after practicum.
But I'm kinda having second doubts about returning to my old department. After thinking about how many times I've already stood up for GF, I've come to realize he isn't really the kind of friend I need. He is just unpredictable... one moment you're friends, the next you're not. He doesn't even tell you why, he just beats around the bush by posting something vague on facebook. I've had countless times of wondering if I had done something wrong whenever he made one of those post. I guess I just had enough because this whole time I thought of his well-being and somehow always blamed myself when I know I did nothing wrong. Plus I really don't feel any appreciation when I do something nice for him. And I've also come to the conclusion that he will never trust me as a friend because he still sees me as a competition for CD. So I just know me coming back means more drama again. SIGH!!! Well, one problem at a time I guess.
Friday, 29 August 2014
Thursday, 7 August 2014
I'm my own therapist
Probably not recommended to anyone.. ever. But I kind like how this played out for me.
So I've been having some real good days lately but amid all that, I've also been having some saddening thoughts. Some of these thoughts I'm not even really sure what they are exactly or why I'm having them in the first place. I guess they're thoughts that come from problems that have stemmed from older problems and so on.
Well, last night I had a dream. I don't remember the whole contents of it but I remember feeling really great afterwards. In the dream, I was sorta hiding in a closet and crying. I was very frustrated but I'm not sure why. Then suddenly CD appears and sat down beside me. He was patting my back as I cried. I just kept crying and I swear at this point its because of how I'm still not sure of how I feel for him. Then he asked me what's wrong. But suddenly I started blurting out things that totally wasn't about him. Like how I don't feel accomplished despite the all the things I've done. It went on and on and I basically am just saying to him that I feel that I'm not good enough for anything. He listened to all my venting and then wiped my tears with his bare hands and said that I am more than good enough. At that point, I think my heart started pounding too much that I actually woke up. I actually did have a bit of tears in my eyes too. But I got that sensation of immense relief, like I really did just pour out all of my soul and let go of everything.
I don't know in real life if I could ever tell him all that or to anyone else for that matter. I didn't even think I had those kinds of thoughts. Denial on my side perhaps? But I do know what he said in the dream is scripted as how I wanted to hear it. However, I can't deny how real it felt. Talking it out, having someone wipe your tears and then telling you that you are more than good enough.
I'm such a hopeless romantic.
So I've been having some real good days lately but amid all that, I've also been having some saddening thoughts. Some of these thoughts I'm not even really sure what they are exactly or why I'm having them in the first place. I guess they're thoughts that come from problems that have stemmed from older problems and so on.
Well, last night I had a dream. I don't remember the whole contents of it but I remember feeling really great afterwards. In the dream, I was sorta hiding in a closet and crying. I was very frustrated but I'm not sure why. Then suddenly CD appears and sat down beside me. He was patting my back as I cried. I just kept crying and I swear at this point its because of how I'm still not sure of how I feel for him. Then he asked me what's wrong. But suddenly I started blurting out things that totally wasn't about him. Like how I don't feel accomplished despite the all the things I've done. It went on and on and I basically am just saying to him that I feel that I'm not good enough for anything. He listened to all my venting and then wiped my tears with his bare hands and said that I am more than good enough. At that point, I think my heart started pounding too much that I actually woke up. I actually did have a bit of tears in my eyes too. But I got that sensation of immense relief, like I really did just pour out all of my soul and let go of everything.
I don't know in real life if I could ever tell him all that or to anyone else for that matter. I didn't even think I had those kinds of thoughts. Denial on my side perhaps? But I do know what he said in the dream is scripted as how I wanted to hear it. However, I can't deny how real it felt. Talking it out, having someone wipe your tears and then telling you that you are more than good enough.
I'm such a hopeless romantic.
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