Quit testing me, universe!

Every time... ugh.. I swear. You know that time when you're about to give up on your crush but some how they do something and just pull you back in? Well, that's happening right now. Except, I have actually given up on him and I'm not really pulled back in (not all the way anyway) but rather annoyed that its happening now instead of back then.

There was a time when I had my emotional boohoos over CD because it totally caught me off guard and I just panicked about it. I started hyperventilating to DP and KC. Bless their souls for trying to calm me down. Anyway, I told them that everything that has happened between me and CD only happened because I initiated it. I'm the one who invites him to all these hang outs and that just once, I wish it was him who invited me. Well, it finally happened yesterday.

He invited me to a barbecue that the supervisors are planning tomorrow. First of all, let me congratulate myself for not having a screaming-school-girl moment. In fact, my initial reaction was more like an uh-oh. As much as I do want to go and hang out with these awesome people, I am now (and probably forever as long as I'm in that company) afraid of how certain co-workers will interpret this and any future friendship with any supervisor. They will once again blame the supervisors of favoritism and they'll think I'm trying to buy my way up the ranks. So because of that, I wasn't really able to say yes or no. I actually can't remember how the conversation ended too. He did catch me by surprise by asking me. At first I just overheard him talking to the other supervisor about it in the office. Then I left the office to head upstairs and he caught up with me on the escalator. He casually asked if I was going, to which I responded where. I just remember saying I never was invited. Then that's it. Don't recall saying yes, no, maybe, let's talk about it later or anything like that.

So I'll admit a part of me is kinda waiting to be re-invited again. But I'm almost 100% sure it won't happen because he doesn't appear to be that kind of guy and also tomorrow's gonna be a crappy day for a barbecue. The funny thing is I would've probably said no if he did ask me again, unless he manages to convinces me otherwise.

Aside from the invite. He's also been sitting beside me in the lunch room. Though I think that was really just because the other supervisor sat with us too. But at least during these times, I'm not interpreting it anymore like I used to. I'm just really really annoyed that these things are happening now when I wanted it so badly back then.