All those times of going back and forth... liking him and then unliking him. Sure can drive a girl nuts. And perhaps even appear bitchy in the end. But I'd like to believe I'm really gonna make it out of this with no damage done to anyone.
Maybe it's timing with GF pointing out the whole CD and CF possibly liking each other thing. Though I talked it out with CF and its a definite no on her side. On the other hand, I do notice CD being friendlier to CF. I think he really does like her but not enough for him to jeopardize his work. Anyway, it's this kinda stuff that I needed to make me move on. I've told my best friends that I really am starting to like him less and less but I knew there was still a chance for things to rekindle. The lack of interaction was definitely the primary cause. And it sucks that its coz people are misinterpreting my friendship with him (and the other supervisors) as favoritism so its like that chance was taken away from me. But now, I really am relieved. It's finally over! Actually, I'm also kinda curious if the 2 will end up together... almost cheering them on really. He still is definitely a great guy that any girl would die to have and she is an amazing friend.
So at least that problem is done and over with. CD is officially just a dude I work with (should really rename him JD though I'm not sure why I would still talk about him over here). Now my other problem is one that happened a long time ago but I sorta just brushed it off. It kinda resurfaced after some major realization. It's this whole issue of favoritism. I so badly regret making that joke but I really do not understand how that can make people who you thought were friends turn on you. My original group of friends at work are now the ones GF hang out with. I noticed that they seemed to stop inviting me to their outtings but GF always somehow made it. I figure its because during that time he was still jealous of me and how close I was to CD so I let him have his space and vent to "our friends". But after talking to CF, she pointed out that in reality that group was also insecure of me because of the amount of hours/attention I'm getting from the supervisors. Hence GF (though probably not intentionally) and them saw me as a common threat.
It's only now that they're being friendly to me again because now they see CF as a threat for GF's sake. Although I think I still get the stink eye from a few people because I'm still friends with CF. I honestly don't care about that group anymore. Although I'm really worried for GF and CF because those 2 had such a strong friendship. There's a misunderstanding right now for sure but GF being in that group is making the misunderstanding blow out of proportions. What's more, they're making CF look like the bad guy. I'm glad I told GF that even though him and CF don't get along anymore, I'm still both their friends and will go be with both persons when needed. Its just that right now, its hard to be with GF because he's got that huge group backing him up (without even really knowing both sides of the story) whilst CF only has me. Well, there are others from the new group I hang out with (which really was GF's old group) but they are neutral just like me only they prefer to butt out.
Anywho, now I'm just really disappointed at myself and these people. The reason why I stayed in this job was to make friends more than to make money. I don't need to deal with this sorta bullshit but I don't wanna leave behind some of the real friends I've made. What really sucks is that I'm not even trying! Not trying to be the best or work hard. I just naturally am that way. I do what I'm told. I also naturally do just wanna hang out with people and it so happen that the people willing to hang out after work are the supervisors. So why the eff was I singled out to look like I'm trying to buy out my boss' affections. The reason why I'm disappointed at myself is because I still care about how these insecure people think of me. I've been trying not to stand out (according to them anyway) by turning down my supervisor's requests. I even moved out of the section where I was put in charge most of the times so that they will see I'm willing to do the same exact work as them and not just captain all the time. But even that got translated as me seeking more territory. I finally found a new section where it only requires 2 people to work. At least then no one gets jealous of that or sees that I'm captaining since its a smaller group. The most disappointing thing I don't like about this side of me is that I can't even bring it up to my supervisors. I really like all of them and do not want them to get caught in this bullshit. But how do I exactly bring this up... ohh so you know how you say I'm a really good employee, well I need to be a shitty employee now coz my fellow co-workers are complaining about the hours and attention you've been giving me. What's more is that CD is my direct supervisor. I would be talking to him about this and the last thing I need is for him to feel sorry for me.
UGHH! I wish it was March of next year already. By then I can be a certified Pharmacy Technician and hopefully be dealing with much more mature co-workers.
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