What to do, what to do

The more I tell myself I don't like him, the more I find myself trying to stare at him. Its seriously confusing.

I know I really miss hanging out with him after work but its pretty much impossible now coz of 1) his higher position and 2) jealous co-worker making more complaints. So I'm trying not to miss him by acting strictly as co-workers. But I think its backfiring. Less interaction with him makes me anticipate him more. I also end up talking about him more to others. It's a lot like someone going on a diet; the more they avoid the food they're trying to give up, the more they crave it.

I think my hopes went up again with the possibility of a promotion. Not only would we be the same level (and dating would be allowed), we'd have more reason to hang out now. At least it'd be fair game for me to decide if I still like him then. Anyway, my best friend who is a supervisor in a different department told me that several other supervisors like me and my own direct ones have recommended me. Although there is no current spot that's open, I can see it opening up some time in May/August for the back-to-school madness. However, it's possible that I'd also start school then. I'm not quite sure if I can handle full time school and work. Especially since this program is intensive with 1.5 years worth of schooling crammed in 30 weeks. But at the same time, 10 of those 30 weeks are meant for practicum so no test/homework... meaning just 20 weeks of no real sleep.

It would be awesome to be promoted but I've long gone gave up on it because I seriously thought I was just gonna quit once school starts. But after all this, I feel like I still want to get to know CD. So if I am staying and really want to get to know him some more, promotion is the only way to go. This would really get rid of those problems I mentioned above since 1) we'd be same positions and 2) be jealous if they want, I'm their supervisor now and my hours are fixed so they can't complain.

Still doesn't answer if I should continue liking him. Bah! I almost wanna leave it to fate. Its like, if I get promoted then I go ahead proceed liking him. If I don't, hasta la vista and move on.