About what I said before

First off, I can't believe more than a month has gone by since my previous post. I guess it makes sense as my new work place got busy over the holidays and they pretty much were giving out shifts to any takers. And there's another reason which I'll explain now.

This whole NBIL business might actually end. I don't know. I haven't decided... if its even possible to decide on it. There's this guy at work who really caught my attention since day 1 coz he had such a cute smile. I'm a sucker for dimples and those "happy smiley eyes". I really thought nothing of it but then I guess as I talked to him more and more that grew to respect to admiration and then to crush or whatever it is now.

At first, I was really giddy just having a crush again. My university days were so boring coz I couldn't even have a crush since there was no guy whom I had similar classes with. So in 1 semester, I'd see my classmates just 13 times (once a week). That's not even enough time for me to get to know them, forget about developing feelings. Anyway, I liked that I'm excited about seeing someone. I liked that it made me energetic and cheerful at work. So I took all the over time I could just to spend more time with him at work and after too. He lives in the same neighborhood so I always offered to give him a ride whenever I can.

This whole time, I always played it cool. I never liked letting others know when I like someone. So I made sure at work that there's no special treatment whatsoever. But usually when I like someone, I do end up being sorta bitchy. I think the idea of being discovered is so embarrassing that I become the opposite of what I really feel for the guy. The thing with this guy is I so am not bitchy to him at all. Like, I just can't be mean to him. Period. This is partly the reason why I'm not sure if I really do like him since I'm not reacting the way I usually do.

So the moment of truth crashes on me a day or 2 after the Christmas potluck hosted by our co-worker. There's another story behind this but the gist of it is that my gay co-worker (who knows I like the same guy) asked me to confess for him. After the party, I was driving his car since he was responsible enough to know he drank 1.5 bottle of brandy (yet sounding and looking sober as ever). That's when I told him about our gay co-worker. His response was very professional. He wasn't grossed out by the fact that a gay guy likes him... he actually kinda chuckled saying he had lots of gay friends; possibly hinting he's had more than one gay admirer. It was by far one of the nicest rejection one can hope for. Though it wasn't meant for me, I saw how the news affected my gay friend. A day or 2 after, I started freaking out about how will my confession be like when its my turn. Then the fact that I'm freaking out over a crush started getting me all nutty because I didn't realize how much I like this guy. I called my 2 best friends and needed girl talk... took a whole lot of calming down.

I've decided not to over-think too much of the what if's. Enjoy whatever time I have with him. But its so hard because I try and ignore him so I don't have to decode whatever action/gesture he just did but then he seems to communicate with me more when I do ignore him. On top of all this, I do feel guilty about my gay friend's crush not working out. So that's like another reason not to confess just yet but I do wanna get this roller coaster emotion ride over with. Since I'm sorta on a stalemate here, all I can do is rant about my overly-biased (or perhaps not) theory on if he likes me back or not.

Why I think he likes me:
1.) I'm confident that I know him best out of all our co-workers and vice versa he knows me best too.
2.) There was one time where he was in deep thought while working alone and I jokingly called his attention by saying "pssst". Ever since then our text messages for each other begins with "pssst".
3.) He calls me Miss. I haven't heard him call anyone else that. He did call someone my age "Ate" (big sister) so that's an indicator at least that he doesn't see me as a sister. Although I'm only 2 years older so its not like its a huge age gap.
4.) I think he sorta is trying to find out what stuff we have in common. Like what drink I like, chocolate, music, etc. Its kinda funny coz I think our choices of drinks are no where similar. In fact he always makes jokes about my drink choices saying stuff like "coconut juice is like very diluted milk" or "peppermint tea is like very diluted toothpaste". On the bright side, we like the same alcoholic drinks.
5.) On my birthday we spent 4 hours together over coffee and he also was there for the sushi party. If we include our work shift... that's 17 hours spent with him. My best friends said that the coffee talk was a date. I said not really coz I invited him on my birthday so he really couldn't say no. And I paid for our drinks but only coz he already bought me some chocolate. Also, that was our only time spent together with just us 2.
6.) He might've just slipped or he meant it or I'm just over-thinking it. He was doing his rounds and was saying "looks good" when checking the sections at work. When he saw me, he said "you look good". Now, I wish I got a good look at his facial reaction when he said that.

Why I think he doesn't like me:
1.) The part about us knowing each other best is mostly a product of my inviting him to group hang outs. I honestly don't feel it was something he'd wanna tell me on his own. Like, I had to initiate everything before he would tell me about himself. And I think he just can't say no to anyone at all so this getting to know each other stage feels a little one-sided.
2.) I don't feel that he treats me differently from others. I know he respects me as a co-worker and probably even saw me as a competition for the promotion he eventually got. It's also possible he can't treat me differently because that would be favoritism. And equally possible is that he's just like me when it comes to being embarrassed about being discovered so he acts it out all cool.
3.) He had a lot of chance to hang out with me one on one but never acted upon it. If you like someone, wouldn't you take whatever possibility you have to spend time with them.

Well after typing this up, I feel much better venting. Also seeing that I actually have more reasons to believe he likes me than not. Today I guess I'm extra giddy because another co-worker (one who's same level as him) outright suggested to him to date me. I wasn't sure how to react so I sorta joked that they don't know what if we're already secretly going out. He was just quiet and I didn't dare look his way. But anywho, at least the idea got planted, if ever. And apparently other co-workers agree that us 2 can actually date each other.

An introvert's diet plan

This probably isn't the healthiest of any diet plan. Heck, its not even a plan. It sorta happened by chance.

But before I start let me say that I am now 25lbs lighter than my heaviest weight ever!!

The first 15lbs I lost while living and working abroad. A combination of can't read ingredients in foreign language = can't cook = can't eat a lot. And also the work part exhausting to me the point that I'd rather sleep than eat.

The next 10lbs I lost here after I've moved back and got my new job. It's much more physical and it's probably the reason why I lost that much weight in 2 months (in comparison to the 15lbs I lost in a year).

I'd also like to point out that I don't exercise at all. I avoid it all cost. Its gotten to a point where any major exercise causes me to be nauseous. Like on my first month back here, I went on a mini hike with my best friend. It was all good and dandy... till I went home. My body temperature got so high triggered a massive migraine and I just had a pukefest.

So now, you must be wondering how I lost that weight. Well, like I said, it's by chance. It's all sleep! Sounds like a dream right? But hey, its working for me. You see, as an introvert, I can afford to sleep as long as I want. I only wake up for work, or when my own brain has had too much sleep already. I pretty much only eat during breaks at work and lately I can't even finish my packed meals (which is usually leftover from a previous meal). On my days off though, or when I do have to socialize, more eating is involved. But because I haven't seen my friends for a while (not just coz of my schedule but because of their own too), I haven't been eating out as much.

My uncle once told me that you just gotta get your stomach to shrink. It's kinda like the stomach staple minus the staple part. And I think that's exactly what's happening here. When I do eat, there's still a fair share of junk food. And I'm glad I don't have to cut that off. I just gotta eat them in proportions.

Anyway, I'm worried coz there'll be less shift for work after the holidays. So how does an introvert like me get exercise without really exercising? Guess we'll find out once we've crossed that bridge. But for now, I gotta maintain what I lost.

PS: 20lbs more and I'll reached my ideal weight.

NBIL - Never Been in Love

So here's a topic I rarely share.. just coz people tend to think it can't possibly be true. But yes, I have never been in love. Call it lame, fear of rejection, or commitment issues... whatever you want, its still true. I've never had a boyfriend, gone on a "real" date or been kissed. I'm a bit old school and would like to have been dated first before getting kissed (or going in a relationship for that matter). Then you realize I'm 24 years old, so you probably think its pathetic.

I've had my fair share of crushes, though those don't count as the real deal. I do get the same giddyness whenever I see the guy I'm crushing on. I like how I can be restless just thinking about seeing him the next day. But even I know its not love. Because the part where I want him to love me back, its not in that equation. I haven't met a guy who I wished loved me back. Just guys who I know are darn right amazing and would make some other girl really lucky.

I've tried figuring out why I am the way I am. Heck, even my best friend couldn't answer why when her boyfriend asked why I was single (btw, I so take it as a compliment when a guy wonders why I'm single). Here's what I keep telling myself, especially during my school days:

I do not need the drama during my most stressful period of my life where I am discovering what I want in life but somehow balancing that with what I need to do in life such as school, work, family and other commitments.

But now that school is over, I can actually afford the drama. The down side of having avoided it till now is that I have no clue how to deal with it. Not that those who have started dating since elementary have conquered the dating field. However, it'd still be great to have gotten over some drama jitters and know how to cruise my way around this and perhaps avoid some bullshit on my windshield.

I refuse to feel bad about me though. I do think everything happens for a reason and according to some cosmic timing as well. So some people fall in love early, some late. All that matters is that I know I'm not immune to love.

Here's to all who's in love, has loved and will be in love. May happiness be all around us!

The lunch room situation

Phew! Haven't had a real break to sit down and just rant away on this blog. Work has got me busy and exhausted... which may actually be a good thing because I spend less time shopping and am actually saving 90% of my earnings.

Anyway I decided to write about an all too familiar situation. I think the movie Mean Girls made it super clear, as well as the TV show Malcolm in the Middle... and really a bunch of other references.

That time where you're not sure which table to sit at and which person to converse with. One of those days where there's no written rule that limits you where you could be but somehow you still feel you must tread the waters carefully. As if the first table/chair you choose will be that one defining moment of your high school (or other) career.

It's been a month since I started at my new job and its pretty interesting seeing how this division in the lunch room works. There's around 30 people in my department. By far, I'd say the division is cultural at first. People of the same ethnic background eat together; probably to talk in the same language and share the same familiar food. Then there'd be the gender division (mostly for those who don't belong to a large ethnic group). But its funny coz its not like the girls talk about girly things while the guys talk about manly things. In fact both groups can sit together and enjoy the same conversation but for some reason each are just tight knit as separate groups. Now the last group would be the smokers who has to use their break time wisely. Being in the graveyard shift means every entrance/exit in the building has an alarm and can only be deactivated at a certain time and location. So these guys rarely have time to eat during break. Instead they go for breakfast together after work which I must say is really awesome. I haven't hung out with work people outside of work because we're all just too tired and wanna sleep or have to go to our next job.

Outside of the lunch room though is different, everyone still works together. Not always harmoniously as one would like to think. For instance, many complaints have gone around this past week. I'm pretty worried how the group chemistry would be once some people are let go (failing the probationary period) or if some more people are added. I think its still a bit early to change the dynamics of it all but sadly its not my call.

Anyway, I'm just glad that out of the 30 people I work with, I can clearly say that I enjoy working with about 7 of them, 20 people I am good working with (meaning we each do our job properly but I don't enjoy their company as much) and 3 that I seriously wish I never have to be with. I'd say those statistics are looking good.

Coffee shmoffee

I've been drinking coffee since I was 11 years old.

I remembering seeing my parents everyday making their own coffee every morning before heading to work. They take their mugs spoon in some ground coffee, add sugar and maybe some cream. I figure this must be something only adults drink since not once have they offered me a taste. One day, when both my parents were gone, I decided to make my own drink. I felt like such a big girl because I'll be drinking coffee for the first time. I got a mug and added 2 spoonfuls of ground coffee, spoonful of sugar and spoonful of cream. I slowly add hot water and began stirring. It smelled really nice. I took a small sip so that I don't burn my tongue but that one sip was enough to make me gag.

Why didn't anyone tell me to put only 1/4 (or 1/2) spoonful of ground coffee. I seriously thought it'd be the same as making my own Milo or Ovaltine chocolate drink. Needless to say, it took a while before I decided to drink coffee again. 11 years old seemed liked the right age to retry.

Now I drink 2-7 cups a week. Not to stay awake or keep the withdrawal symptoms away. It's just one of my favorite hot drinks. However, despite this classic coffeeholic habits of mine, I actually do not know what the difference between some coffee drinks are. I don't necessarily feel (taste?) that one has a stronger taste than the other. Drip coffee all taste the same to me. Latte and cappuccino do too, except I think cappuccino is foamier.

So I'm really glad to see my sister post this:

It gives me an idea now. Plus this is the first time I heard of doppio. Kinda cool but I'm not sure I'm ready to try it. I do know I am a latte person.

Let's get baking

After a year long journey in South Korea and not having my own oven, I am having some baking withdrawal symptoms. I walk in the grocery marts and see the flour and icing sugar but couldn't do anything with them. Now that I'm back home, it's a baking galore (after waiting a month to re-arrange the kitchen and pantry). First item on the list?

Chocolate crinkles!

This has been one of my favorite Christmas treats as a child. Not entirely sure if its strictly a Christmas dessert but I only got them around that time. So glad there's an easy to follow recipe from Joy of Baking. I'll be making more of these for sure.

On the other hand, I'm not sure what I wanna make next. I do have a bag of butterscotch chipits that I really wanna use.

It's off to work I go

Heigh ho!

So I just worked my first 2 shifts at my new job (yes, that temp job I mentioned on my 5 Year Plan). A great thing about a new company is that everyone is else is new too; even if they are a level higher or lower than you. You don't have to feel like the only newbie.

During training, I met the people I would likely be working similar shifts and departments with. So far they seem okay. All excited about starting and playing working with the equipments. They seem dependable. Not the types that would 24/7 ask me what's going on or how to do something. Oh, don't get me wrong. I like helping people but I think after explaining something over 10x to the same person, you have the right to be a little irritated. No one appeared to be lazy or bossy or a know-it-all. 3 of the characteristics I hate the most when it comes to professional relationships. But then again, its really too early to tell.

I have a really good feeling about this job though. I sorta have a clique already but I'd still like to meet the other newbs from the other departments. I also saw 3 people that I previously know before getting hired. Not counting KC (one of my best friends) who told me about the job fair. My superiors are also super friendly and I really don't feel like they're trying to shove their status to my face. If any, they are very encouraging. There's also a couple of guys in my department/shift that are cute. Though I'm sure KC would say they are short. They both are just slightly taller than me, so for guy standards, yeah that's short. But still taller than me. Hehe.

Too bad I won't see them until my next shift which is on Friday. My department's not needed until then. So for now, I'll be visiting the nieces and doing more errands and pre-hibernation rituals.

Pre-hibernation season

You gotta love the "ber" months. SeptemBER, OctoBER, NovemBER and DecemBER. Not only is it full of holiday spirit and cheer, you also get to hibernate like many of our animal friends. And what's better than sleeping in after a very exhausting but joyous occasion? PRE-HIBERNATION!! It's all about preparing for that cold and lovely winter.

Here's a few of my pre-hibernation rituals (in no necessary order):

1.) Season premieres marathon

Nothing like warming up the old couch (and PVR) by sitting on it after watching back to back season premieres. With How I Met Your Mother on its last season and the return of a few other favorites like Supernatural, Modern Family, The Big Bang Theory, Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Grey's Anatomy.

2.) Chug-a-thon

If you know me enough, you know I love to drink. Not the alcoholic kind (but it works occasionally). Whether they're soda, pop, milk, juice, coffe, tea, shake, smoothie or good ole water. I've stocked up on my hot chocolate powder mix and tea packets. What about you?

3.) Knitteroo

As if it's not obvious enough from the first picture. I'm still a noob at knitting though. I can only do basic scarves that have 1 solid color or multi-colored stripes. Learning to make a toque is next on the list. Ohh!!! And if someone is kind enough to help me with one slight boo-boo. Whenever I change colors/yarns to do the stripes, the back side of the scarf would get a floating line from the previous yarn color. So it looks pretty neat from the front but the back side gets the weird line in between colors. If some kind soul can share a link on how to fix this, please do. I tried googling the problem but it just teaches me how to change colors/yarns and not so much deal with the actual problem.

4.) Shopaholics meeting

I don't actually do my Christmas shopping last minute. In fact, I do it all year round. If I see something that is perfect for someone, I just buy it. Why? Because whenever I am on a quest to actually find something, I don't find it. But when I'm just strolling around the mall with no intention of spending, I happen to find the things that I do need to buy. However, during pre-hibernation season, I'm just in the mall twice as often than usual. Plus there's the off season sale. Fall fashion is my favorite so I can't wait to buy marked down fall stuff for next year (and even for winter after just layering a  few of them together).

5.) Decorating the Christmas tree

That and of course spending time with the family... and pigging out. Basically, everything about Christmas that makes it awesome! Yes, even that fire log channel.

The 5 Year Plan

If I had to describe myself, I admit to being a bit of a control freak. I like being organized and prepared but I'm also open to the fact that many things in life are unpredictable and out of our control. Still, I enjoy gazing at my potential future... viewing the highlights of each chapter of my life. Somehow that led to my 5 Year Planning.

Basically, its attempting to finish 5 important achievements in 5 years (so roughly one per year). There is an ideal order to these achievements but I like that I can just bump one down or up to make room for the others. Once that 1 year is over, another 1 achievement will be added (or upgraded) for the next year. Its pretty awesome because when I read my old blogs and saw what my then 5 Year Plan was, I got so amazed that I actually managed to do the whole thing... even if it wasn't the ideal order I originally planned out. Of course, not everything is perfect. I still have this letter I wrote when I was 14, it was meant for my 18 year old self. It talked about the many things I hope to have accomplished by 18 and even some lecturing from the younger me. Anyway, let's just say I was a little too optimistic back then.

Now, I can kinda say I'm a little smarter when it comes to planning. My favorite part is just having something to look forward to. Even if there are chances of it being a disappointment. There's a reason for when things don't turn out the way we want and when we do find out, we'll be glad we are where we are. There's also gonna be times where its just down time. Nothing major happening because realistically, you gotta work your butt off to make those other achievements come true. I call these times hermit mode.

So, here's my current 5 Year Plan. A little something for my future self to be proud about (or laugh at):

2013: integrating back to Canadian society (just came back from working abroad)
2014: back to school; travel
2015: career hunting; moving out
2016: hermit mode (gotta pay those bills)
2017: engagement (a little silly to have it here but I always figure its the right age to do so)

Let the memorants begin!

Hello people (and web bots)!

Welcome to Memorants.

Lost count on what number blog is this one but I really did have a lot before. Different topics while going through various stages in life. I had one about cooking, another about photography, even one about my first car (hoping to record many road trips). I also had one about my one year job abroad but got too busy to document everything. The only thing that was constant about all them was that I always did run out of what to write about. I guess now this one will be a little different. As I said on my self/blog intro below, I really do love to rant... right after whining.

So here's to publicly exposing my own emotional roller coaster!

Anyone wanna pull my hair up while I puke?