2nd Male Lead Syndrome

I just found out there's a name for such a thing. You know... when you're cheering for the "other guy" even though deep down you know the lead guy and lead girl belongs to each other. The "other guy" who insist on being the selfish bad guy and yet makes the ultimate sacrifice of letting the girl he loves go. I mean there's other types of "other guy"... most common being the best friend of the lead girl who was too late when it came to admitting his real feelings.

So you can see how much I appreciate Choi Young Do's character in Heirs. He's definitely the ultimate 2nd male lead. Props to Kim Woo Bin for making the character so real. You've just ruined all other dramas for me. There won't be other 2nd male leads that would make me cheer for them, as much as you did.

I started googling Kim Woo Bin because I am in much need of distractions right now. High five coz he also 25. He was a model before becoming an actor, no wonder he's so good at projecting facial expressions. But the best find of all was this blog about why Choi Young Do is the #1 catalyst of the 2nd male lead syndrome.

5 Minute Distraction Please

What a great week its been.

1.) We found out on Monday that my best friend passed her nursing exam on her first try.
2.) She had an interview on Tuesday at the same hospital where I work.
3.) She got hired today!!
4.) I passed my jurisprudence exam. (1 down, 2 to go).

Now to fret over the next exams. I seriously have no clue how to study for it. There's really no guidelines unlike the jurisprudence. I feel like I'm just blindly studying whatever I can... and part of me is saying that the stuff I'm reviewing is unlikely gonna be on the test. Then a major chunk of it is calculations. See, I never understood how you study for math. Because for me, its either you get it or you don't. There's no practicing for it because you don't really memorize it but rather know how to apply it. The formulas are pretty much always given... you just input the values to do your calculation. I guess that's sorta the disadvantage of being a math person.

I know I'll be panicking on the day of the exam, telling myself I should've studied more. But it really sucks when you don't know what to study. I did try the sample test before studying and it was still a B-. So I think the trick really is just to carefully read the questions. But its driving me nuts because now that I have time to prepare for this test, I know I'm not utilizing it wisely. I mean hello... I am blogging right now for pete's sake.

3-1-4

So remember that post I made about dreams? In particular about the numbers 3-1-4 which I had woken up to by yelling it out. I thought there must be a meaning and had anticipated the whole March of 2014 or March 14th itself to be a special day. Well, nothing particular happened that day... nor that month of that year I guess except for the fact that its pi day.

Well, today's the best pi day as of yet. A last minute breakfast date with my co-workers which I haven't done for a long time... and the last time I did, it wasn't all that fun because it felt like people were obligated to be there rather than just wanting to be there. Now its like with new people and of the oddest combination too. I wouldn't have expected this group to just mesh together and have that much of a good laugh. Plus bonus, someone invited CD and without my prompting too!

So I gave the new co-worker who I think also likes CD a ride to IHOP. Ermm... she's gonna need a code name; let's say MM for mini me coz like I said before she kinda does remind me of me. As we were parking at IHOP, she kept staring at this white car (sounds familiar right?). I noticed the car too but I told myself not to look because there's no way that's CD. I knew there was a person in the car but I didn't want to make eye contact because I am trying to get over him, so me checking if the driver was CD is like admitting failure to such attempt. As we got into the IHOP, MM said "I knew it was you".

Damn. Totally wasn't expecting him. I smiled and stupidly the first words that came outta my mouth "The hell? You're here?". So now as I am typing this, I realized I may have made it sound like I didn't want him there.

Well, anyway, it turned out all for the best. We had a great laugh about everything. Even talked about farts. Didn't realize 2 hours had gone by just like that. We finally had to go home and as we all lined up at the cash register, I couldn't help but notice that CD was standing really close to me. It made me wish that he missed me somehow and that this was his way of showing it.

Then of course all these "over-thinking" happened again but the most intriguing one was: Why was he waiting in his car when there were people from our group already in IHOP? Was he waiting for me?

So that's my pi day story. Who knows how next year will turn out?

Trips Down Memory Lane

Coz I swear, every time I remember him... I might as well really be tripping.

So how do you do it? How do you forget someone when every small little thing reminds you of him?

Before... it was just his car. If a white car zooms a long, it wouldn't take long for me to turn my head and check if it was him or not. I'd see what the make of the car was, if the plate matches. I think this started when we both were heading to work and ended up on the same intersection. I just made it to the orange light to do my left turn and his red light just went green so his car was now behind me. Then he changes lane and passes and takes over my car. When we arrived at the parking lot, we both got out of our own cars and he smiled at me saying he knew that it was me.

The most recent "trip down to memory lane" for me is when I drive to my other job... yes, it's a literal trip on a friggin lane. There's this particular street that I like to take because it barely had stop lights and it wasn't residential plus it had its curves so its pretty fun driving there. When I drove CD and our co-worker home during our last hang out, we ended up using that street by chance. CD mentioned he liked that street too for the exact same reason. So now, whenever I take that road, I end up thinking of him.

Ohhh mannn. Even McDonalds have a meaning now coz of our lunch breaks. Double cheeseburger for the win. Although he said I should try the CBO with strips of bacon and not the bits. Espresso also reminds me of him a lot. One of the first few things that I found out we had in common was our love for coffee. Gosshhh!! I can remember when we were still getting to know each other as co-workers. That time, I was convinced he might like me because he would be curious about the things I like or stuff we had in common.

Anyway point is.. its getting pretty ridiculous how much I miss him. Although knowing myself, the moment I see him again, I'd act all cool as if nothing is going on. I know I'm driving KC and DP nuts whenever CD gets involved. So I'm trying not to vent to them as much about this. Therefore, I am ranting here instead. It might take a bunch more posts before I completely stop mentioning CD here.

So here's an ultimatum for myself. If I do get a chance to hang out with him again one to one and not coz he's driving me home or vice versa... then I will tell him about how nuts he makes/made me feel. That way he can clearly voice out his opinion and I can do the same without others making this whole crush situation more difficult than it is.

[UPDATE: March 10, 2015]

Eff. Even going to the mailbox reminds me of him. Ughhh... why'd I have to show him this particular part of the sidewalk where I always trip whenever I go and grab our mail.

On the bright side, I saw him again on Sunday and I managed to act chill. Caught myself glancing at him once in awhile but that's about it. Success for not letting my imagination get in the way.

Before I Let You Go

Some time ago, when I was just recently dealing with the drama about GF... I decided to dedicate this song to CD. I was so convinced that I have to let him and I know it wouldn't be easy so this sorta became my comfort song.

And for a while I didn't have to listen to this song because I was finally okay being around CD and not having to feel anything. I let go, so to speak.

But now, its like 100% must let him go... as in no other choice. He's finally left the company and the stupid guy had to keep it a secret till last minute. I didn't even really have time to process how I feel and wasn't even there for his last shift. In fact, if I hadn't decided to show up last Saturday, I wouldn't have been asked to work on Sunday (when he eventually told me he is leaving).

Now I'm going through withdrawal symptoms. I am missing him soooooo badly but I know it was bound to happen so I'm trying to forget him little by little. However, a new co-worker is making it impossible. I didn't really hang out with her as much before but I just realized that she likes CD too. She actually reminds me a lot of myself when I first started liking CD. In many ways though, she's lucky coz she only liked him for a short time and it should be easier for her to let go of him. And also, there wouldn't be a drama between us like there was for GF and me... because there's no point of either of us liking CD.

To clarify about this song for CD... no we weren't in love in a special way. And I'm not even sure this is love but I admit this is the closest to love for me. There definitely was no kissing to reminisce about. But pretty much everything else about the song applies... especially about missing his smile.