I don't know if its just me or if I'm just being too girly sometimes but I do have a tendency to just want to cry for no apparent reason. I don't mean like a baby throwing tantrums. I'd like to think its more of a therapeutic process. I think it happens once I've dealt with too much emotion and I'm done processing it so now it's like I need a major stress release. Although I do remember reading somewhere that tears make our body produce more endorphins thus having that "happier" after-effect.
Depending on my mood I can watch dramas endlessly until I've cried all I can. Sometimes I sing till my throat hurts. Other times I just cuddle a pillow under my duvet and listen to really sad songs until I fall asleep. Lately though, all this blogging is becoming a great emotional outlet. I've also started writing on journals again (by journals I mean word document) and I almost immediately always write something as soon as my emotions get extreme. I think it helps me process my feelings and makes my tendency to over-think look stupid. It's actually pretty funny reading most of them again.
One of the most recent emotional rollercoaster ride is when GF pointed out something that irked him about the party a couple of Sundays ago. During that party CD got a little drunk; probably coz he didn't get enough sleep so it hit him a little faster than usual. There was of course photo sessions during the party and one of which our female common friend (hence forth called CF) asked to have a picture with CD. CD doesn't really like photo sessions that much but this time he agreed then jokingly leaned his head on CF's shoulders. After one shot, I think he realized what he's done so he covered his face and started moving around a lot so it was harder to take a picture. According to GF that's when he noticed that CF and CD may like each other and more so on the guy side. Of course GF is really torn because he is really close with CF.
When this was pointed out I wasn't really bothered but it definitely affected me. I began being more suspicious of both CF and CD. I know CF likes to be extra friendly with CD to tease GF and perhaps even test me on how I will react. For instance, I was actually really surprised that CD agreed to go watch a movie with me and CF. I just worked a shift, had a breakfast party and shopping with him and other co-workers so I was pretty sure he'd say no out of exhaustion. But there was no "maybe" it was a straight up "sure". I was gonna use the opportunity to observe how the 2 acts during the movie; even if it meant I might be a third wheel. However, CF cancelled because she wasn't able to fall asleep. I asked if she already told CD and she replied she did and that also he just slept a few hours ago. That's when I started having my emotional panic. How the hell does she know what time he slept... have they been texting the whole time. All these scenario started popping in my head.
I haven't seen CF since then but I know things between us are still the same. I definitely don't blame her if she does fall for him and him for her. She's a great friend like I mentioned before. However with CD, I worked one shift with him since the failed movie plan and I really felt like he's been avoiding me for some reason. He hasn't been smiling as much either. The latter half of the shift, I also started avoiding him.. not even making eye contact. Sounds childish I know but also I felt like he totally just forgot about me when he didn't call me for break. Basically, I know he's not angry at me but I just don't make a bleep in his radar either. According to another team leader he had an inkling that I didn't hear the break announcement but I guess that wasn't enough for him to confirm if I really did. Ohhh and guess what? I've been re-aligned to be under his team. He is now my direct supervisor. What great timing huh?
I'll really need to cry all these out pretty soon or I might just snap at the wrong person here.
Sunday, 23 February 2014
Saturday, 15 February 2014
Same songs new meanings
After having more karaoke sessions, I'm brought back in time and begin to reminisce the days when songs were just music. I guess I was too young or naive then to realize what the lyrics mean or what emotions were being conveyed. It's only now that I'm having this deeper connection to these songs. Quite a few of them, I actually don't recall the title or who the singer/band was. Luckily, in this day and age, a quick Google search can solve that. There's even an app for recognizing songs for you.
So now I've spent a day downloading all these songs from my past, reading the lyrics over and over again. The most recent in the list is Eraserheads's Ang Huling El Bimbo (The Last El Bimbo in english). I don't think translating the lyrics in english will have the same effect as hearing it in tagalog. But the story of the song is basically a guy who's reminiscing about his school days during which he learned how to dance El Bimbo from a very beautiful girl. He describes how his love for her developed but not once was he able to tell her. However time has now past and the last he has heard of her, all these sad things happened including her death.
My favorite lines are:
Magkahawak ang ating kamay at walang kamalay-malay
(We're holding hands and not realizing)
Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko na umibig ng tunay
(That you've taught my heart to truly love)
So now I've spent a day downloading all these songs from my past, reading the lyrics over and over again. The most recent in the list is Eraserheads's Ang Huling El Bimbo (The Last El Bimbo in english). I don't think translating the lyrics in english will have the same effect as hearing it in tagalog. But the story of the song is basically a guy who's reminiscing about his school days during which he learned how to dance El Bimbo from a very beautiful girl. He describes how his love for her developed but not once was he able to tell her. However time has now past and the last he has heard of her, all these sad things happened including her death.
My favorite lines are:
Magkahawak ang ating kamay at walang kamalay-malay
(We're holding hands and not realizing)
Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko na umibig ng tunay
(That you've taught my heart to truly love)
Friday, 7 February 2014
Thanks for the blessings
WHAT A GREAT WEEK!!
Thank you Lord so much for the many blessings you have showered me, especially this week alone.
First is the birth of my nephew. Minion #3 has arrived and is healthy, happy and handsome as all babies should be. My sister-in-law is recovering well, my brother seems to be adjusting better with having another newborn and my niece is doing a great job of being a big sister. I'm super happy for my family for this new lovely addition. I can't wait to see the little guy again and spend some quality auntie-nephew time.. which really just means he sleeps while I watch and play with his little piggy toes.
Second is my shopping date with my best friend today. It wasn't the full day shopping we're used to but not bad. Managed to get a pair of good material denim for $10. Best part? I'm down 3 pant sizes since I left for Korea!! Its a little snug but I know I gained a pound or 2 due to lack of shifts at work recently but once that's over, I can lose those pounds again. Plus I needed pants. I only have 2 pairs left that fit, everything else got too big.
Third is still on the making. A birthday party for our co-worker is happening this weekend. Originally CD couldn't make it coz he ended up getting a shift that night. I actually managed to not be sad about this so that alone is a feat. But when I found out he's been trying to get that shift cancelled, I actually got super happy. And the manner/timing of how I found out kinda makes it special... like its a sign. An even higher and newer supervisor had called me in the office but before he could tell me about what, CD called in. They were on speaker phone so I recognized his voice. The higher supervisor jokingly asked why he was so bent on getting this shift off. Right then and there, said shift was cancelled and now I know CD will be at the party for sure. It's like the universe just wanted me to be there front and center to see it all unfold. However, the sad part is that we're expecting a snowstorm to hit on the same day. So its very likely that the party will be cancelled. If there's to be another blessing, a light layer of snow would be great so we can take group pics outside but still good weather condition for driving. Or just no snow at all. Especially since I'm probably gonna be designated driver again.
3.5th blessing is the reason I got called in the office. They wanted to give me an extra shift next week. Of course I accepted it and then the higher supervisor joked that he actually already entered my schedule before I even confirmed. It can only mean he already recognizes my abilities despite only working with him 3-5 times since he got to our department. Ohhh and CD happens to be working during that same shift. So that's like a bonus right there.
Fourth, as of like an hour ago (considering its around 5AM and my sleep cycle is messed up), I just got my acceptance letter to the program I applied for back in 2012. It had such a long ass wait list due to its low requirements but high outcomes. This program pretty much is the first step to the career I've decided on; the first step to the life I've pictured myself to have. It's part of the 5 year plan and I seriously don't have any more back ups after this one. I can't and won't screw it up because I've narrowed down my career choices to being a counsellor/teacher or pharmacist. I've already tried the first and just know I will definitely get burned out easily despite my passion for helping others out. So now, I get to do science-cy stuff which was pretty fun back in high school. I'm pretty damn excited but classes won't start till May. I've already got ideas running in my head on how I'm gonna balance out work with school; especially if there's gonna be room for promotions. But I gotta remember not to let it get to me. Never expect a promotion until its been said and signed.
Fifth, who knows? Might actually be during the party itself. Hehe! Anyway, I'm just super duper happy and can't stop smiling. Seems like small stuff to most people but I've always been the simple type of person and small things like these mean way more to me. Plus, its good to always thank the Lord!
Thank you Lord so much for the many blessings you have showered me, especially this week alone.
First is the birth of my nephew. Minion #3 has arrived and is healthy, happy and handsome as all babies should be. My sister-in-law is recovering well, my brother seems to be adjusting better with having another newborn and my niece is doing a great job of being a big sister. I'm super happy for my family for this new lovely addition. I can't wait to see the little guy again and spend some quality auntie-nephew time.. which really just means he sleeps while I watch and play with his little piggy toes.
Second is my shopping date with my best friend today. It wasn't the full day shopping we're used to but not bad. Managed to get a pair of good material denim for $10. Best part? I'm down 3 pant sizes since I left for Korea!! Its a little snug but I know I gained a pound or 2 due to lack of shifts at work recently but once that's over, I can lose those pounds again. Plus I needed pants. I only have 2 pairs left that fit, everything else got too big.
Third is still on the making. A birthday party for our co-worker is happening this weekend. Originally CD couldn't make it coz he ended up getting a shift that night. I actually managed to not be sad about this so that alone is a feat. But when I found out he's been trying to get that shift cancelled, I actually got super happy. And the manner/timing of how I found out kinda makes it special... like its a sign. An even higher and newer supervisor had called me in the office but before he could tell me about what, CD called in. They were on speaker phone so I recognized his voice. The higher supervisor jokingly asked why he was so bent on getting this shift off. Right then and there, said shift was cancelled and now I know CD will be at the party for sure. It's like the universe just wanted me to be there front and center to see it all unfold. However, the sad part is that we're expecting a snowstorm to hit on the same day. So its very likely that the party will be cancelled. If there's to be another blessing, a light layer of snow would be great so we can take group pics outside but still good weather condition for driving. Or just no snow at all. Especially since I'm probably gonna be designated driver again.
3.5th blessing is the reason I got called in the office. They wanted to give me an extra shift next week. Of course I accepted it and then the higher supervisor joked that he actually already entered my schedule before I even confirmed. It can only mean he already recognizes my abilities despite only working with him 3-5 times since he got to our department. Ohhh and CD happens to be working during that same shift. So that's like a bonus right there.
Fourth, as of like an hour ago (considering its around 5AM and my sleep cycle is messed up), I just got my acceptance letter to the program I applied for back in 2012. It had such a long ass wait list due to its low requirements but high outcomes. This program pretty much is the first step to the career I've decided on; the first step to the life I've pictured myself to have. It's part of the 5 year plan and I seriously don't have any more back ups after this one. I can't and won't screw it up because I've narrowed down my career choices to being a counsellor/teacher or pharmacist. I've already tried the first and just know I will definitely get burned out easily despite my passion for helping others out. So now, I get to do science-cy stuff which was pretty fun back in high school. I'm pretty damn excited but classes won't start till May. I've already got ideas running in my head on how I'm gonna balance out work with school; especially if there's gonna be room for promotions. But I gotta remember not to let it get to me. Never expect a promotion until its been said and signed.
Fifth, who knows? Might actually be during the party itself. Hehe! Anyway, I'm just super duper happy and can't stop smiling. Seems like small stuff to most people but I've always been the simple type of person and small things like these mean way more to me. Plus, its good to always thank the Lord!
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